Twitter Becoming Too Much Work for Comedian
Published January 2011LOS ANGELES, CA – Comedian Steven Yips says he is may delete his Twitter account as the pressure to post humorous updates to Twitter is consuming his free time.
Cute Little Puppy Takes Over as New BP CEO
Published August 2010LONDON, ENGLAND – Faced with a public relations nightmare after an oil rig exploded killing 11 and causing millions of barrels of oil to leak into the Gulf of Mexico, BP has replaced its CEO with Buttons, a Black Labrador puppy.
The move comes only weeks after former CEO Tony Hayward stepped down following the Gulf of Mexico disaster. Hayward was replaced by Bob Dudley, who in turn has been replaced by Buttons.
Justin Bieber Linked to Drug Resistant Bacteria Infections
Published May 2010CHICAGO, IL – A recent article in The Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) has provided the clearest link between the rise of MRSA infections and the increase in popularity of Justin Bieber.
Arizona Will Open Camps to Sort Illegal, Legal Hispanics
Published May 2010GLENDALE, AZ – The state legislature of Arizona has authorized opening several camps where officials will be able to distinguish which Hispanic-looking people are here illegally.
Long John Silver’s Buys Oil, Fish in Gulf of Mexico
Published May 2010NEW ORLEANS, LA – American fast food company Long John Silver’s has secured exclusive fishing rights in the Gulf of Mexico as it hopes to capitalize on the recent oil spill. The company is hoping to both make a substantial profit from “already oiled fish” and perhaps remove the oil from the water.
“What we have here is an amazing opportunity,” said Long John Silver’s president Walter Johnson.
Taliban Give Puppies to Pakistan Citizens
Published May 2009ISLAMABAD, Pakistan – After suffering several military defeats in recent weeks, the Taliban is calling for a return to peace talks and to prove its willingness to comply with any new cease fire, Taliban officials have distributed puppies and kittens to every household within the capital city.
“(The Taliban) want peace and we want to give people of Pakistan peace.”
Christ Apologizes for Swine Flu Joke
Published April 2009HONOLULU, HI – In a recent press conference, Jesus H. Christ apologized for making an inappropriate joke about the swine flu during an appearance on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!.” The joke, which implied that the swine flu started after a Mexican citizen had sex with a pig, has caused a huge backlash against the spiritual leader.
Terrorist Pigs Unleash Germ Attack on U.S.
Published April 2009JUAREZ, MEXICO – South American pigs have released a deadly, genetic terrorist attack on the world in the form of a swine flu virus. To date, over 150 people have died from the attack and another several thousand have contracted the disease.
Shortly after reports of the attack began to appear, the leader of the Animalism Swine Liberation Force released a video taking credit for the attack.
Animal Rights Group Protests Violence in Looney Tunes
Published May 2008LOS ANGELES, CA – An animal rights group has begun protesting outside of Warner Brothers Studios demanding the immediate stop of all animal cruelty in its productions, including the popular Looney Tunes cartoons.
Boy Scouts Retire Two Difficult Merit Badges
Published May 2008IRVING, TEXAS – The Boy Scouts of America have retired two merit badges the organization has deemed “impossible to obtain.” The badges to be removed from availability are the Talking to Girls and Popular merit badges.