Yankees Promise Jeter Will be Sent to Farm Upstate

NEW YORK, NY – New York Yankees’ fans have been promised that retiring shortstop Derek Jeter will be taken upstate to live out the rest of his years on a farm.


Next Year’s Top Five U.S. Vacation Spots

I’m here today to give you my picks for the best vacation spots here in the good ol’ US of A.


Johnathan Nichols doesn't understand why minorities are distrust police officers.

White Man Doesn’t Understand Why Minorities Dislike Police

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Local Finance Manager Johnathan Nichols says he doesn’t understand why it seems so many minorities are untrusting of police officers.


Local Man Says He “Totally Won’t Watch Pro Sports”

FARGO, ND – After becoming frustrated with the recent NHL lockout, local man Garry Broderick has told his friends and family that he has “given up on those assholes” associated with professional sports.


Local Man Already Regretting His Twitter Username

FREDERICK, MD – Last month Treddle signed up for Twitter with the username FuckRogers6969696 and came to regret the decision almost immediately.


Zombie Unicorns Attack Fans At Minor League Game

ASHLAND, KY – Three weeks ago fans and professional baseball players were attacked by a herd of Zombie Unicorns as a publicity stunt went horribly wrong.


Local Man Wrongly Rewards Son after Terrible Performance

WELLINGTON, VA – Local man Jefferson Porter rewarded his eight-year-old son with ice cream despite the fact that his son did not deserve any such reward.


Local Man Has Surgery to Increase His Team Spirit

LAKEWOOD, CO – In an effort to motivate his favorite team, the Colorado Rockies, super fan Justin Tracy has undergone a cutting edge procedure to have more Team Spirit injected into his body.


Barack Obama Already Making Drastic Changes To America

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Promising change, Barack Obama won the presidency last year, and taking office this month, Obama has already issued several major changes to the United States which have many Caucasian-Americans concerned.


Experts Release List of 2009's Best Jobs

DENVER, CO – With the economy struggling and massive layoffs a daily occurrence, employment experts have released a list of the top 10 paying jobs for the upcoming year. Toping that list is Employment Expert.


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