VANCOUVER, BC – A tourist from Texas is testing a Canadian waiter’s patience and politeness.

WASHINGTON, DC – American families have unanimously agreed to ignore the last couple months and just enjoy a quiet thanksgiving dinner.

MIDDLETON, WI – Local man Jesse Guentert has told his friends that he will try to drink only a small amount of alcohol at their New Year’s Eve party.

NORTH POLE – After a year in which there was only one “nice” child, Santa Claus says he will officially retire from delivering toys to children on Christmas Eve.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a pre-vacation ruling, the Supreme Court has issued one of its most controversial rulings, upholding Comcast’s right to demand customer’s first-born children as payment.

SILVER SPRINGS, MD – Friends said they were shocked and saddened when they discovered a Budweiser beer in the refrigerator of Cammie Wenshaw, indicating a new and likely bad relationship.

PINE BLUFF, AR – Local man James Freeny made a New Year’s resolution that he never intended to keep.

Jaime Wingham immediately felt a kinship to all the people in Syria who were affected by the attacks. Wingman has admitted that for years she has been the victim of chemical attacks in the form of Dutch Ovens.

TULSA, OK – For the second year in a row, 10-year-old Garrett Jacobs has ruined his family’s summer vacation.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is planning changes to the Academy Awards to update the awards and appeal to a larger audience.