SEATTLE, WA – Starbucks will be expanding its menu next month, rolling out new dick flavored coffee drinks to stores across the country.
“When looking for a new flavor we asked ourselves ‘what do people, at least most people, like?’ the answer was obvious; dick,” said Starbucks Flavor Engineer, Kylie Kearns. “And the love of dick is worldwide. Almost every single woman has had a dick in their mouth at some point."

NEW YORK, NY – There is a new city at the top of this year’s The Scoop News’ semi-annual list of best places to live although it may not come as a surprise to the people who live there.

SEATTLE, WA – White women across the country are in a state of panic as Starbucks has announced they will be discontinuing the popular Pumpkin Spice Latte, just weeks before the drink was to go on sale.

MOBILE, AL – In an effort to ensure kids grow up to become successful and that comedy remains funny, parents have been asked to stop telling their children that they are funny.

During a conference aimed at reducing the amount of unfunny and unsuccessful teenagers, the American Society for Child Development, the Comedy Writers Guild of America and the American Association of Psychologists agreed children should not be told they are funny by their parents.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The budding romantic relationship between Eddie Freirs and Rebecca Staller ended abruptly last week after Staller revealed her feelings about the iPhone.

IOWA CITY, IA – Customers at a local coffee shop are becoming increasingly annoyed at a woman who will not stop talking about the book she is reading.

ST. PAUL, MN – A meeting held at Enferce, Inc. to cover everything ended with the participants unable to agree on anything.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A recent economic study conducted by the Census Bureau has concluded that wealthy Americans actually hate poor Americans.

GLENDALE, AZ – A register total almost announced the arrival of the apocalypse but thanks to quick thinking, the end time was avoided at the last second with another purchase.

KABOL, AFGHANASTAN – Those closest to him are reporting that Al-Qaeda founder Osama bin Laden may be retiring from terrorism at the end of the year. Over the past couple years, bin Laden has expressed growing interest in pursuing other hobbies and possibly opening his own coffee shop in the mountains of Pakistan.