Local Man Making Fewer Online Threats
Published September 2015SAN BERNADINO, CA – Blaming his new job and other social obligations, local internet user Jerod Franklin said he no longer has the time or energy to post as many violent threats per day as he did six months ago.
Iran Will Honor Nuclear Deal Despite Giggles
Published August 2015TEHRAN, IRAN – The leaders of Iran have told US representatives that the snickers and smirks made by Iran officials during the signing of the nuclear agreement are part of an Iranian custom and not an indication that Iran will not adhere to the agreement.
“No, no, no. The smirk and… giggles as you call them, they were not made because we have no intention of meeting any of these agreements,” said Iran Nuclear Delegate, Masoud Fehrmanni.
New Report Confirms Lewis Is a Bad Dog
Published January 2014MOUNT VERNON, WA – A report recently released by the Department of Animal Rights and Welfare concludes that Lewis is bad dog.
Bush Planning to Give McCain Voters Tax Cut
Published September 2008WASHINGTON, D.C. – In the wake of the stagnant economy and the upcoming presidential election, current President George W. Bush has announced a new economic package that will give every American that casts a vote for John McCain a $1,000 tax refund check.
McCain Promises To Make New Oil Reserves If Elected
Published July 2008DES MOINES, IA – During a speech given to local farm workers, Republican Presidential Nominee John McCain laid out his plan for combating rising fuel costs. The main focus of McCain’s plan is to create more fossil fuels by burying various forms of organic material and waiting “til the magic happens.”
Local Internet Video Stars Really Wants To Direct
Published December 2007SAN BERNIDINO, CA – The star of a popular viral video says that while he is happy with his recent success as an internet star, he would really like to turn his attention to directing.
New "Suck Force" Bio-Energy Discovered in Humans
Published May 2006WACO, TX – A research group at Baylor University has discovered a life force that keeps human beings alive despite the lack of any value the person may contribute to society. This “Suck Force,” as the team refers to it, might be responsible for the continuing lives of such famously worthless humans as comedian Larry The Cable Guy, former singer Paula Abdul and Denver Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer.
U.S. Econmic Crisis 2005: Rich Can't Afford Third House
Published October 2005NEW YORK, NY – The current economic crisis has hit one group of Americans particularly hard as the richest one percent of the country can now barely afford a third or fourth house.
Easter Bunny Arrested For Drug Trafficking During Sting
Published March 2005FORT HANCOCK, TX – The Easter Bunny has been arrested and charged with drug trafficking after the conclusion of a three-year long sting operation conducted by a joint task force of Drug Enforcement Agency officials and Immigration and Naturalization Service officers.
80's Commercial Star The Noid Headed For Rehab - Again
Published September 2004BILLINGS, MT – For the third time in six years, the Domino’s Noid is entering a drug and alcohol rehabilitation facility. This latest attempt at sobriety comes as a court order from last year’s cocaine induced altercation with Montana police.