Apple has removed the Measure app from iPhones and iPads after complaints of inaccuracy.

Apple Pulls Measure App After Men Complain About Penis Size

CUPERTINO, CA – Apple has pulled its new Measure app from iPhones and iPads after thousands of men complain the app does not accurately measure the length of their penises.


For the first time in three years, 15-year-old Rachelle Bremerton has completed a full, complete sentence.

Local Teen Completes First Full Sentence in Three Years

UPLAND, CA -In what doctors are reporting as a medical breakthrough, 15-year-old Rachelle Bremerton has said a complete sentence for the first time in three years.


The Pokémon Dewgong has been to added to the Endangered Species List.

Pokémon Added to Endangered Species List

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Pokémon Dewgong, a white sea lion like creature, has been added to Endangered Species list the by the International Union for Conservation of Nature.

The creature has been hunted to near extinction in recent weeks as a result of the popularity of the Pokémon Go game.

“In a lot of ways Pokémon Go has been the worst thing to happen to this world but it has been specifically terrible to the poor little Dewgong,” said Pokémon scientist Kellie Peters.


Beyoncé Releases New Surprise 17-minute Long Track

NEW YORK, NY – Beyoncé has delighted her fans with a surprise release of a new 17-minute song called “Where the Hell Are My Damn Keys?”


After Long Winter, Dow Jones Plans to Get High

MANCHESTER, NH –William “Dow” Jones announced that he is coming out of a month’s long depression and plans to “get really, really high” soon.


Kenny Drew is still showing off his Segway.

Local Man Still Showing Off His Segway

LONG BEACH, CA – Despite a steep decline in sales and popularity, local man Kenny Drew sill shows off his Segway at every opportunity.


Jesse Guentert has promised his friends that he will not get drunk at the New Year's Eve party.

Man Promises to Not Get Too Drunk at New Year’s Eve Party

MIDDLETON, WI – Local man Jesse Guentert has told his friends that he will try to drink only a small amount of alcohol at their New Year’s Eve party.


Star Wars Rocks and Sticks is this year's hottest toy.

Toy Magazine Releases 2015’s List of Hottest Toys

NEW YORK, NY – Toy Aficionado magazine has released its annual “Best toys” list to aide parents looking for the best and hottest toys this holiday season. The list features a number of new toys as well as a couple “old favorites.”

“This season is all about Star Wars,” said Toy Aficionado magazine Senior Editor Hal Sweera. “Star Wars has put its name on just about everything. And while the action figures and Lego sets may get a lot of attention, but the best Star War toy is actually the Rocks and Sticks set.”


Woman on Bus Wants to Know "What She Say?"

MEMPHIS, TN – A woman on the 33 bus wants to know “what she say?”


The Cleveland Indians unveiled the teams new mascot, Kavi, last month.

Cleveland Indians Change Mascot to Man from India

CLEVELAND, OH – Responding to political pressure, the Cleveland Indians baseball team has changed its mascot from a Native American to a man from India.


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