Published September 2018
CUPERTINO, CA – Apple has pulled its new Measure app from iPhones and iPads after thousands of men complain the app does not accurately measure the length of their penises.
Published December 2016
UPLAND, CA -In what doctors are reporting as a medical breakthrough, 15-year-old Rachelle Bremerton has said a complete sentence for the first time in three years.
Published August 2016
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Pokémon Dewgong, a white sea lion like creature, has been added to Endangered Species list the by the International Union for Conservation of Nature.
The creature has been hunted to near extinction in recent weeks as a result of the popularity of the Pokémon Go game.
“In a lot of ways Pokémon Go has been the worst thing to happen to this world but it has been specifically terrible to the poor little Dewgong,” said Pokémon scientist Kellie Peters.
Published May 2016
NEW YORK, NY – Beyoncé has delighted her fans with a surprise release of a new 17-minute song called “Where the Hell Are My Damn Keys?”
Published March 2016
MANCHESTER, NH –William “Dow” Jones announced that he is coming out of a month’s long depression and plans to “get really, really high” soon.
Published January 2016
LONG BEACH, CA – Despite a steep decline in sales and popularity, local man Kenny Drew sill shows off his Segway at every opportunity.
Published December 2015
MIDDLETON, WI – Local man Jesse Guentert has told his friends that he will try to drink only a small amount of alcohol at their New Year’s Eve party.
Published December 2015
NEW YORK, NY – Toy Aficionado magazine has released its annual “Best toys” list to aide parents looking for the best and hottest toys this holiday season. The list features a number of new toys as well as a couple “old favorites.”
“This season is all about Star Wars,” said Toy Aficionado magazine Senior Editor Hal Sweera. “Star Wars has put its name on just about everything. And while the action figures and Lego sets may get a lot of attention, but the best Star War toy is actually the Rocks and Sticks set.”
Published July 2015
MEMPHIS, TN – A woman on the 33 bus wants to know “what she say?”
Published March 2015
CLEVELAND, OH – Responding to political pressure, the Cleveland Indians baseball team has changed its mascot from a Native American to a man from India.