Trump Wears Mask after Staff Insist It’s Made from Porn Star’s Used Underwear
Published August 2020WASHINGTON, D.C. – In order to persuade President Trump to wear a mask, White House officials told the president his masks are made from used underwear previously worn by porn stars.
Attendees Deny Farting During Video Conference
Published May 2020RICHMOND, VA – None of the attendees on the weekly Dorchester International sales call have accepted responsibility for the audible fart heard during last week’s video conference call.
White House Staffer Fired for Telling Trump to Stop Licking Window
Published May 2020WASHINGTON, D.C. – A White House staffer has been fired for suggesting President Donald Trump stop licking and “doing blowfishes” on the White House windows.
DNC Brainstorming Ideas to Get Voters to Pick DNC-Backed Candidate
Published February 2020WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Democratic National Committee (DNC) leaders are scheduling urgent meetings to discuss how to get people to vote for candidates that the DNC wants them to vote for in the upcoming primaries instead of the candidates that the voter’s actually prefer.
Trump Wearing Home-made Toilet Paper Sash, Crown
Published March 2020WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has begun wearing a hand-made sash and a paper crown around the White House as well as some official events.
Trump Gets Tongue Stuck to Frozen Metal Pole
Published January 2020WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump required assistance this week after getting his tongue stuck to a metal pole in the White House rose garden.
Business Owner Pulls Benefits from Employees After Visit by Ghosts
Published November 2019GLENDALE, AZ – After being visited by three ghosts, local businessman Walter Bandict, has announced that he will no longer offer his employees paid time off and medical benefits.
Hell Offering Incentives to Social Media Influencers
Published October 2019HELL – In an effort to increase its public perception, Hell has begun offering social media influencers incentives for promoting Hell.
Christ Apologizes for Meek Inheriting Earth Tweet
Published April 2019WILMINGTON, NC – Jesus Christ has apologized for a controversial tweet he made last month after an intense online backlash.
Elon Musk Gets High, Invents New Sandwich
Published January 2019LOS ANGELES, CA – Late last week Elon Musk called in to a radio program to announce that he has invented a new sandwich that will “revolutionize sandwich technology for generations.”