Lack of iPad Present Proves God, Santa Claus Do Not Exist

TUCSON, AZ – The lack of an iPad gift this year has proved to local seven-year-old Gracie Martinez that Jesus doesn’t exist and that there is no such thing as god.


Congress Passes Laws Aimed at Stopping Santa

WASHINGTON, DC – Despite protests from the North Pole and Keep Christmas Free, Congress passed a set of new laws aimed at reducing Santa Claus’ role in Christmas.

Under the new laws, presents can no longer be delivered by chimney, reindeer can not fly within 300 miles of a major metropolitan area and if stopped by police, Santa Claus must provide documentation proving his legal authority to travel within the United States.


Osama Bin Laden To Get Coal In His Stocking

NORTH POLE – For the 61st year in a row, Osama bin Ladin will receive a chunk of coal in his stocking. Santa Claus announced the decision during a C-SPAN interview last week.


Osama Bin Laden To Get Coal In His Stocking

NORTH POLE – For the 60th year in a row, Osama bin Ladin will receive a chunk of coal in his stocking. Santa Claus announced the decision during a C-SPAN interview last week.


Osama Bin Laden To Get Coal In His Stocking

NORTH POLE – For the 59th year in a row, Osama bin Ladin will receive a chunk of coal in his stocking. Santa Claus announced the decision during a C-SPAN interview last week.


Santa Claus Asks Congress For Bailout

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In another bailout request, Santa Claus appeared before Congress this week asking for $45 billion in order to continue operations and ensure “Christmas happens as it should.”


Beth Sinclair: Have the Perfect Thanksgiving Diner

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Hello all my shining little readers, it is I, Beth Sinclair and boy do I have things to tell you! It seems like forever ago that I got to talk to all my little Beth-heads out there.


Santa Claus Arrested In Decade Long Counterfeit Sting

NORTH POLE – After several years and hundreds of man hours, the Federal Bureau of Investigation said Tuesday that they have made a single arrest in one of the biggest counterfeit goods operations in the world.


FCC Cracks Down on Racy Holiday TV Programming

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Amid several high profile “lapses in tasteful programming,” the FCC announced Tuesday that it will be tightening restrictions starting with this year’s batch of Holiday themed specials. The announcement comes just weeks after ABC’s use of a half naked women on Monday Night Football to advertise one of the channel’s other shows.


Controversy at North Pole

GNOME, AK – Shocking and disturbing news came out of the North Pole this week as a witness stepped forward and exposed the described “hell hole” that is Santa’s Workshop.


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