NEW YORK, NY – Taking advantage of an advertised special, singer Christina Aguilera received a free car stereo with the purchase of a new pair of breast implants. Aguilera made the decision to increase her bust size shortly after seeing a newspaper advertisement announcing the special.
“I saw the ad in the paper and was just like, you know… I could really use a new pair of boobs. I mean, how can I really expect to sell records with tiny little tittes? I need to be a good role model for young girls and that includes being as hot, and with as big boobs as possible,” said Aguilera after the surgery. “You know, seeing how successful Britney’s (Spears) been since she got hers I thought it was a no brainer. The free car stereo deal just sold me on the decision.”
Although very few critics have come out against her new look, Aguilera isn’t concerned about the possible backlash that may come from her rather obvious augmentation.
“People have been tearing me apart ever since that whole ‘Mulon Rouge’/Dee Snyder thing went down a couple years back. I figured that if I got some bigger tits, not only would the perv demo start paying attention but critics would also back off my songs. I know I can’t sing or dance, but at least now I have really awesome cha-chas. That’s Spanish for titties you know. Despite the fact that I’m white, I’m actually Mexican… or is it Haitian? Which ever the Latin people are,” said Aguilera.
The add, placed by Martin and Paler Plastic Surgeons, guaranteed any person who upgraded in breast size through plastic surgery at their facility, would receive the free top of the line car stereo.
“We got the idea from the car dealership where I just got my new Porsche,” said surgeon Paul Martin. “See I was just gonna go for the ‘Platinum Package’ with the leather trim and the 20 disc CD changer but my man Marcus told me that if I went for the ‘White Gold Package’ I’d not only get the leather seats but I’d get a better stereo, one that has satellite radio and plays MP3’s. I was sold. Then I said ‘hey, if they can sell me on this, why can’t I do it?’ I tell you, it was pure genius.”
Besides Aguilera, 350 other females, ranging in age from 15 to 56 have taken advantage of the deal since the ad first ran.
“We had no idea how popular this would be,” Martin said. “Sure people like big tits, but apparently music and titties are the right combination to make money. Strip clubs have it all figured out. I wish I would have thought this up a couple years ago. I mean, can you believe that I actually drove the same BMW for 3 years straight? I know… it was rough not being super-duper-kick-me-in-the-nuts-rich. But I’m that rich now.”