KKK Demands Removal Of Chocolate From Neapolitan Ice Cream

Two members of the Louisville branch of the Klu Klux Klan protest outside of a Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream shop.
Two members of the Louisville branch of the Klu Klux Klan protest outside of a Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream shop.

LOUISVILLE, KY – Mere weeks after their protest of the PGA’s Masters tournament, members of the hate group the Klu Klux Clan have petitioned several local ice cream suppliers this week to remove the flavor chocolate from the popular Neapolitan ice cream.

The group states that combining the dark chocolate ice cream with the white vanilla is “against God’s will.”

“I don’t know who done thought that up but I tells you what… he ain’t no God fearin’ white man,” said KKK member, Elmer Jenkins. “Havin’ that chocolate right there next to that there white vanilla be’s… unnatural and we ain’t gonna stand fer it. No sir. We have to keep our flavors separated so they don’t be… um, mixin’.”

Since the early 1920’s, Neapolitan flavored ice cream has been a staple of most ice cream producers. The ice cream combines equal amounts of chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.

Over the years the KKK has been active in pushing racial segregation and promoting the white race.

“We’ve standed idly by… watchin’ all quiet like while women get to play golf and them dark people get to do other stuff that only us whites used ta get ta do,” said KKK Grand Dragon, Willy Ray Lee. “Chocolate has no place in the white man’s ice cream. Come to think of it, that red stuff don’t belong in der either. We suggestin’ that they make the three flavors (of Neapolitan) vanilla, French vanilla and ice milk. No wait, not French vanilla, cus that’s got them little black specs in it, don’t it? Then it should be vanilla, Freedom vanilla and ice milk. We don’t want to flatter them pansy, anti-war French so we’ll take the black specs out of it and call it Freedom vanilla. That’ll show um.”

While the movement is gaining speed among racists, most notably in the South, many ice cream makers feel that the protest will fall on deaf ears.

“Seriously, this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” said creator of Dryer’s Ice Cream, John Dryer. “People love chocolate, especially women. If we take out chocolate, chicks won’t buy our ice cream. If chicks don’t get their chocolate, nobody gets laid. And if men don’t get laid because of some closed- minded, racists idiots… those racists will pay. Pay dearly.”

Members of the Louisville Kentucky branch of the KKK are scheduling a protest march for next month. The delay is due to Jenkin’s prior obligations.

“Oh, I gotta get ta jail for 20 days. Those damn pigs picked me up for runnin’ my house the way a man otta. Since when is it illegal to teach yer wife a lesson for sass talkin’ and not getting’ that beer opened fast enough? I tell you what, if she wasn’t eight-month’s pregnant with number seven then I’da really let her have what for,” said Jenkins.


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