PORTLAND, OR – After winning a recent Powerball Lottery drawing worth nearly 300 million dollars, Jesus Christ has decided to give nearly two-thirds of the money away. The money will be given away as part of an essay contest held between the different Christian denominations.

The essay contest will be open to all Christian religions with the winner chosen by Christ himself. According to rules laid out by Christ, all entries must be typed, double spaced and must offer a 2 page description of why the author deserves to win as well as a detailed plan as to how the money, if won, would be spent or distributed.

“People probably think I cheated winning the Powerball but I really didn’t. I just stopped off at the gas station to get some Choco-dales and a Pepsi. I had an extra buck so I told Jim just to go ahead and give me a random ticket,” said Christ. “Next thing I know my dad is yelling at me for winning. I didn’t even check the ticket. He started yelling saying some shit about how the ticket was meant for some chick named Rachel. So since I feel kinda guilty I’ve already given Rachel a couple million. I’m gonna keep some for myself and about 200 million will go to the contest. I think it will be fun you know? Just mix things up a little. Get some good old competition going in the Christians blood. This time they don’t even have to fight lions.”

Officials from most Christian religions have said essays from their church are already underway. The only group to not express interest so far has been the Mormons.

“Eh, we don’t really need the money,” said Thomas S. Monson, head of the Mormon church. “What with Pepsi Co. and all of our other investments, we have more money than the Jews. Seriously, he only got 300 some million dollars. We Mormons wipe our buttocks with that kind of money. Joseph Smith didn’t set this shame up to deal in the millions.”

Despite the lack of interest for the Mormons, the other Christian denominations are going full steam into the contest.

“We’ve gotten a lot of great essays so far, but I’ll admit that we were a little worried at first,” said Cardinal Thomas Langkow of the Catholic Church. “When we first heard about the contest we figured that we’d let our priests write what they felt. But when we got 5,273 essay about sex with little boys, we decided that we should probably open it up to all our parishioners. We could really use the money to help our defense teams nation wide. But we don’t want to tell Jesus that. He’s not real happy with the whole touching boys thing.”

Even though the contest officially ends on the 20 of August, some sects have already submitted their essays.

“We’ve gotten a couple, but nothing eye catching yet,” Christ said. “Let’s see, the Baptists turned theirs in and I’ll let you in on a little secret, they aint gonna win. All it is is a buncha crap about ‘them heathen darkies runnin’ free.’ To top it off they misspelled just about every other word including my name. Look, they spelled it Crist. That’s just plain stupidity. Well and the inbreeding, that probably doesn’t help much.”