CONCORD, NH – After a brief manhunt, Jack Frost turned himself in to local authorities late last week to face charges of sexual misconduct and molestation. According to police reports, six separate snowmen and three snow-angels have accused Frost of fondling and “naughty touching” during various parties at Frost’s Lebanon, NH home.

Friends and family had reported that moments after an arrest warrant was issued, Frost left his home and went into hiding, forcing authorities to seek additional help in tracking the world renowned celebrity. Frosts lawyer, Jacob Steiner, eventually talked Frost into turning himself in to Concord Police.

“Yeah, he ran. Most people would,” said Steiner. “He was scared but don’t mistake his flight for guilt. O.J. Simpson fled and he wasn’t guilty… ok bad example. Gary Condit fled and he… hmmm, another bad example. Well, shit, let’s see… who fled that wasn’t guilty? O.K., so there aren’t any, that just means my client will be the first. Unless he is found guilty. But he won’t be… those snow-angels wanted it just as bad as my client did. Look at them and tell me they are not whores. Sure they have halos but those come off just as easy as skirts do. Know what I’m saying? Oh yeah, I think you do.”

The charges that Frost faces stem from several parties that he hosted during the week of November 24. According to witnesses, Frost was very inebriated and began “nipping” at peoples noses. That nipping reportedly soon led to more aggressive touching and grabbing.

“I was just sitting there and all of a sudden (Frost) came up and said ‘hey baby, wanna fuck?” said one Frost accuser, who due to the pending case must remain anonymous. “But he was totally trashed and smelled like puke. Otherwise, I probably would’ve fucked him. Cus if there’s one thing that can be said about me it’s that I know what I have to do to be rich. Everyone knows that Jenny Martin will sleep with anyone who can make her famous. Frost might be able to make me famous but even if he can’t he might know someone who could.”

Another victim recalled his interactions with Frost at a party.

“I was just sittin’ there and he comes rollin’ up right, get’s all up in my grill and is like, ‘damn baby, you got yourself a nice, long nose… wanna stick it in my ass?’ What the hell am I ‘spose to say to that? He didn’t even ask my name, just if I wanted to stick my nose up his ass. Then the wack-a-doo grabbed my (nose) and started suckin’ on it like it was a… you know man, I ain’t gonna say it. That bizo is out his motha-fucking mind.”

While the allegations are fairly serious, Steiner believes that his client will be cleared of all charges.

“Seriously, everyone knows my client, there is no way the courts will throw him in jail,” Steiner said. “Just like Kobe (Bryant) and Michael (Jackson), even if they are found guilty, they will never see the inside of a prison cell. If there is one thing that is a certainty in America, it’s that rich people and famous people don’t go to prison. They’ll just have to do a PSA or something. Hey, maybe they could all do it together. Yeah, I can see it now, a big ‘No means No’ campaign headlined by my client and those two other freaks… that is if they were all to be found guilty… which they aren’t.”

Frost has yet to face the public in person to address the charges but did release the following statement through his attorney.

“The charges that have been filed against me are 100% untrue and are vicious lies spread by my enemies. Why don’t you go ask people about the Heatmiser’s parties. He gets chicks fucked up on cocaine that he slips into their Crystal. Then he makes them take off all their clothes and dance while he paints canvases with his penis dipped in banana pudding. That dude is fucked up. I have video proof. And I am innocent.”