AUSTIN, TX – With the recent explosion of controversy as cities and states consider the legalization of gay marriages, Texas Senator Dale Williams has introduced a bill into Congress that will forever remove the word “Homo” for the term “Homo-sapiens” and make the union of same sex partners a federal crime.

“It is unfair for honest, straight, God fearin’ folks to be labeled as ‘homos,’ it just ain’t right. There is already too much homo-goings-on nowadays and I for one think it’s time for us straight arrows to take back what is ours – the human race,” Williams said. “I ain’t no homo. My wife ain’t no homo. My kids, well… they’d better not be damn homos. Yet here I am, everyday of my life, labeled a dirty homo – and I don’t like it. It makes me sick. Humans are meant to be hetero, not homo.”

The bill, which suggests alternate terms like “Super” and “Faboo,” is expected to be passed in most of the Southern state Senators, but it faces great opposition in Western and Northern state Senators.

“I thought that the South couldn’t get any more ignorant, but then they go and do something like this,” said Vermont Senator Michael Everett. “Years ago, when (Vermont) legalized gay civil unions, we got a lot of flack. Other Senators would call me up and make fun of me and the state which I am proud to call home, but I just let it go. But hey, sodomy is legal now, so we can’t stop it. And who would want to? I know this is a little off topic but did you know that bestiality is sodomy? It is. Wait, you asked me about the bill? Oh, that bill sucks, no pun intended.”

If the bill passes, it will be illegal to refer to the species of humans as Homo-Sapiens. Anthropologists across the world are upset with the proposed bill.

“I’m not quite sure if anyone told Mr. Williams, but ‘Homo’ doesn’t mean ‘gay,’” said Anthropologist Sarah O’Riely. “It’s a scientific designation, a genus name for mankind. It’s Latin for Christ’s sake. If you ask me this guy Williams is fighting some mighty strong urges himself. What’s he going to do next? Propose that homogenized milk be changed to definitely-not-gay milk?”

The bill will be submitted to the House of Representatives later this month and if it passes, will continue to the Senate shortly after.

“This is the type of thing that is dangerous for a State Representative,” said Arizona Senator John McCain. “If you vote for it you are a Republican and if you vote against it, you will be called a homo for the rest of your life, regardless of what lifestyle you lead. The best thing to do, which is basically the American way, is to sit back and watch other people take the hit on this one. It’s gonna be a fun ride that’s for sure.”