DETROIT, MI – A simple gift nearly turned into disaster last week, but a little boy’s future remained safe after a selfless and harrowing act from his father. The “gift” given to 3-year-old Travis Williams, almost certainly would have destroyed his future well being and his relationship with his parents had his father, Kent Williams, not acted in time.
Kent Williams first noticed his son acting differently immediately after opening a birthday gift from Travis’ Aunt, Jeannie Theodore. Travis began walking funny and talking differently then he normally did. He then began commenting on several of the female guest’s blouses and how the decor of the room gave the hose a “super feeling.” It was soon after that Kent realized the cause of the confusion, his son was turning into a homosexual as a result of the Barbie doll that had been given by mistake.
“Fortunately for my son I was able to, like, sense what was going on and I ran right over, grabbed that Barbie and snapped the little bitches head right off. Then, I like turned around and I threw that fag toy right out back. I tell you what, if that woman made my son gay, so help me. I don’t know what I will do,” Kent said. “I mean right away the kid was talking in a lisp and talking about the curtains clashing with the furniture and there was just something real fucked up about the way he was walkin’ to. What the fuck is that all about? Then he asked me if he could take a figure skating class. That’s where I draw the line. Ain’t no respectable hetero out there that wears figure skates. It’s just wrong. It is gay and wrong!”
Kent, uninfluenced by his crying child, placed the Barbie on his barbecue grill, drenched it with lighter fluid and set it ablaze. As the supple “flesh” of the doll turned black and gooey, Travis’ heart melted with it.
“After I burned that sissy foo foo toy, it didn’t get better right away. For an hour or so my wife and I were really concerned ‘cus Travis was just standing outside starring at the grill and crying. It was like he was watchin’ his best friend get molested by Uncle Denny, not that that ever happened,” Kent said, laughing uneasily. “I mean shit, it was only a Barbie, but for some reason, the kid didn’t… he didn’t realize the future beatings that I was saving him from. Cause that is how it starts. First the Barbie, then he starts wearing dresses and getting into moms makeup and suddenly he is going to the public bathroom in Salisbury Park, giving blowjobs for 13 bucks… or however much they cost, cus I wouldn’t have any idea.”
Jeannie Theodore, the boy’s aunt, was unavailable for comment at the time of press but did release the following statement through her lawyer.
“I apologize to my family for causing such a terrible moment. All I intended to do was provide a five-year-old with a toy that might for one minute give him some joy. If I would have know that Kent would have acted in a manner that would be detrimental to his future well being, I would never have done it. I just hope for Kent’s sake that he realizes that it was just a toy. It wasn’t going to do any damage to anyone,” Theodore said.
While the Williams family has accepted Theodore’s apology, Kent still has some lingering concerns.
“My son will never ever, ever take it in the butt! Ever! That would ruin this family. I can’t have my son touching any god damned prick but his own. And if he does I will be there to kick his little homo but,” Kent said.