FDA Allows Use of Roofies During Surgery

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FDA Allows Use of Roofies During Surgery
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WASHINGTON, DC – The Federal Food and Drug Administration will begin allowing the use of the drug Flunitrazepam as an anesthetic during surgery. The drug, more commonly referred to as “roofie” will be given to patients hours before surgery, unknowingly, while out having a good time.

Flunitrazepam is a powerful sedative that relaxes muscles and can affect patient’s memory.

“The Best thing about using (Flunitrazepam) in this way is that the patient has little to no memory of the surgery,” said Walter Milton, M.D., a surgeon at The Cleveland Clinic. “Too many times we’ve heard horror stories of patients waking up with nightmares about recent surgeries or worse, a patient moving during a surgery causing more damage to themselves. Of course we get sued because the patient is ‘traumatized’ now. With Flunitrazepam, even if a patient wakes up right in the middle of the procedure, they don’t remember a thing and they can’t move. It’s beautiful if I do say so myself.”

The drug will be administered by members of local fraternities and slipped into a patient’s drink.

“The way we (the medical industry) see it, frat guys are the only choice to administer this new kind of anesthetic,” said Dr. Milton. “Frat guys know how to give people these drugs and have been doing it for years, albeit for a different end result. If we were to change the natural order of things, it would cost hospitals way too much time and money to train others to administer Flunitrazepam. Using frat guys – we just give them a 20 dollar bill, a picture of the patient and they are set loose. We don’t even have to make failed promises that they will get to sleep with the patient. And for clarification, they don’t get to sleep with the patient. I don’t know what it is, but apparently slipping people roofies is just inherent to a frat guy.”

Although the drug has a negative image in the United States due to its connection with date rape, Gilbert Horton, M.D., physician at George Washington University Hospital is hopeful that will change.

“It will make surgery much, much more tolerable for a lot of people,” said Dr. Horton. “And yes, it will make drug companies millions so how could that be a bad thing? I went to a sponsored symposium in Hawaii held by PharmaGood, the company that makes Flunitrazepam, and everything really sounds on the up and up. Next month I’m going on a 12-day cruise to talk about how Flunitrazepam can help in the treatment of Alzheimer’s disease. Granted, I don’t treat Alzheimer’s but it should be interesting none the less.”

Clinical trials for the drug as an anesthetic were held from 2002 through this past Spring and the results were surprising.

“We were completely blown away by the results of the trial,” said PharmaGood clinical researcher Larry Fox. “In the five years that we tested this drug, we never had a single report of death from the drugs use and patients reported only positive experiences after being administered Flunitrazepam. Of course the rate unexpected pregnancies in the test subjects was really high, but that really doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is the drug works and patients experience no ill effects from the drug.”

Squashing fears of abuse, Commissioner of Food and Drugs Andrew C. von Eschenbach, M.D. said the FDA has taken steps to ensure the drug does not end up in the wrong hands.

“Flunitrazepam will be strictly controlled,” said von Eschenbach. “The frat guys will only get one dose of the drug and if they blow it, they’ll get fired. Simple as that. And doctors never have issues with drugs so allowing them unsupervised access to the drug really isn’t that big a deal.”

PharmaGood hopes to have the drug in the hands of health care providers by December.

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