Expedia.com To Offer New Drug, Hooker Vacations

1 Comments

BELLEVUE, WA – In an effort to become the number one discount travel website, Expedia.com has announced new features that the company hopes will draw more business. Among these new features are vacation packages that highlight prostitution and drugs.

“(Expedia.com is) really excited to roll these new features out to the general public,” said Steve Partridge, CEO of Expedia. “When people go on vacation they want to blow their money on hookers and drugs, but that can be a challenge when you’re in a strange new city. With our new package deals, a person can buy a pound of blow and get blown by a high class hooker within five minutes of arriving in select city around the world. I can tell you, it doesn’t get much better than that.”

Currently, no other discount travel website offers vacation packages that include information on prostitution or drugs. Expedia.com hopes to capitalize on that fact in the coming months.

Starting in November, customers will be able to choose any number of vacation packages that fit their particular needs or addictions.

“Right now every website out there only offers package deals on hotels, rental cars and flights, but we are going to take that one step further,” Partridge said. “Let’s say that you’re planning on visiting Disneyland with your kids, but you know that eventually you’ll find yourself in serious need of some high quality black tar heroin. Well, just select that option when you book your trip and Expedia will send you a listing of all the local dealers. We even take that a step further for our premier members. We tell our customers who the good dealers are and who cut dishwasher soap into their product. I don’t think I need to tell how much of a downer it is when you inject a syringe full of stuff into your junk that’s half heroin and half soap.”

Aside from providing information on prostitutes and drugs, customers will have many other choices to make their vacations truly special. Plans are in the works to include “drug tasting tours,” “hooker tasting tours,” and “back room” packages that will allow customers to purchase any numbers of items on the black market.

“No matter what you’re in to, it is Expedia’s goal to help you find it,” said Brian Dillon, head of Expedia marketing. “Say you need a weapon to ‘take care’ of a ‘problem.’ Let us know. We don’t want to know what exactly you plan on doing, but we will make sure that you are able to do what needs to be done. Weapons, drugs, kidneys – whatever your heart desires, we can hook you up. Want to buy a five-year-old? We can do that too, all you have to do is select the right vacation options. We are even offering a discount bail bondsman if you, I don’t know, get all crazy on crack and end up shooting a prostitute in the head with your newly purchased, fully-automatic Israeli sub-machine gun. Things like that happen. We know this, so Expedia.com will be there for you.”

The new packages will be available on Expedia.com’s website in the “Vacation Packages” section.

Comments

Send info.


Name:
Email:
Comment:
Note: You must preview your comment first and then submit your comment. This is to trick the spambots.
Textile Help
 

Back to Top