Bush Admits Suffering From Extreme Case of Senioritis
Published December 2008 0 Comments | Share:
President George W. Bush plays Guitar Hero instead of attending a meeting on Iran and U.S. relations.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With less than a month left in his term as President of the United States, George W. Bush has admitted that he has “a severe case of senioritis.”
Senioritis is a term generally used when a person is towards the end of a school semester or career and has little desire to work or accomplish anything.
“I know that, with the country like… with the country here… um, you know, the economy being not as good as it could be… well, people are expecting me to do something to fix everything, but, I just really don’t feel like it,” said Bush. “I’ve spent the last, however much time, doing this job and now that I’m almost done… I just don’t feel like doing anything. Let that new guy, Black O’mama, or whatever the hell his name is, deal with it. It’s his problem now.”
Over the past couple months, Bush has felt pressure from his political party to push through legislation and issue pardons but Bush has only managed to do a small number of both.
“My friends in the oil industry and manufacturing have been wanting me to roll back all environmental legislation but there is this new show on the Discovery Channel where they blow shit up and film it, but, and here’s the cool part, they play it back all slow like,” said Bush. “Have you seen that show? It’s real trippy. It reminds me of when I used to do all that coke, then I’d watch Sesame Street. Big Bird looked so real it would scare the pants off of me. Anyways, (Dick) Cheney keeps calling me, yelling at me, during that show so I just started turning off my cell phone. Besides, so what if I don’t get anything done? What are they gonna do? Fire me?”
According to Whitehouse aides, Bush has spent much of his time the last several weeks watching TV and playing Guitar Hero on his X-Box.
“Man, I can tell you, I’m getting real good at that Guitar thingy,” Bush said. “I don’t think I have to tell you how much I shred that game. Me and Roger Clemens, we just play that all day long. My song is ‘Sabotage’ by them Beastie Boys fellas. Roger thinks I got the gift, you know. I’m that good.”
Many government employees, including Senators and Representatives, have been increasingly frustrated with Bush’s work ethic.
“The term ‘lame duck’ is often used for an out-going president toward the end of his term but Bush has taken this term to a whole new level,” said Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid. “(Bush) doesn’t even want to change into a suit before he attends meetings. He’s been showing up, unshaved, in pajamas. And he is skipping meetings to ‘go hang out with the boys.’ With two wars going on and an economy in turmoil, now is not the time to sit back and watch the world burn. I mean, he’s pretty much done that his entire presidency, but you’d think that someone with as low of an approval rating as he has would try to mend a few fences.”
Despite facing historically low approval ratings, Bush doesn’t see a need to act on any issues.
“I have done all I can for this country, it’s now up to the History Channel to determine my awesome legacy,” Bush said. “I know I’m going to be up there near the top, why would I go out and push things even farther? I mean, it’s like a football team being up by seven home runs and going for one more. It’s#133; unsensical. I don’t feel the need to do that.”
President-Elect, Barack Obama, is already facing pressure to act on both domestic and international issues but says he has no power until he takes the oath of office.
“Personally, I think it’s kind of chicken shit,” Obama said. “There is literally, a pile of stuff on his desk that he just simply is not going to do. What makes it worse is that he won’t let me get in there to take a crack at any of it. He always has some excuse. ‘Jeb is coming over and we’re going to get tacos’ or ‘I need to see Condoleza about getting some stank on my hang low.’ I don’t even know what that last one means. I think I know, but I don’t want to know.”
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