George W. Bush's Immigration Plan Beginning to Pay Off

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Several hundred Mexican nationals are crossing back into Mexico at border stations like this one in Southwest Arizona.
Several hundred Mexican nationals are crossing back into Mexico at border stations like this one in Southwest Arizona.

PHOENIX, AZ – While it’s been several months since former President George W. Bush left office, his administration’s immigration plan is finally starting to come together as Mexican nationals are leaving the United States to return to their families in Mexico.

In late 2006 Bush initiated a number of laws that would rapidly destabilize the US economy, thus ensuring there would be no jobs and no money for illegal immigrants.

“It took a long god damned time but it worked didn’t it?” said Senator Orin Hatch. “Granted, the economy is hurting a number of actual Americans right now but everyone knows that to fix (the economy) all we have to do is lower taxes. So really, our country is fine. But before we want to (lower taxes), we have to get a big-ass fence built all along the border. That way, once they leave, they can’t come back and then we can fix things really quickly.”

Republican Senators and Congressmen are celebrating the success and calling upon President Barack Obama to further ruin the economy to ensure all immigrants return to their home lands.

“As much as I hate (Obama), he has the distinct chance of doing even more good than Bush has already done,” said Senator John McCain. “If he just tries, even a little, he can continue the trend that Bush started and the country could sink deeper and deeper into depression. The farther we go down, the more people will leave. It’s really a small price to pay for us legal Americans. Once all the illegals are gone, we can right the ship, lower taxes and there will be enough jobs for every single legal American to have. Hell, Americans could probably have seven jobs if they wanted.”

The recent success of Bush’s immigration plan is helping to redefine what many believe to be one of the worst President’s in history.

“(Bush) was an innovator, well ahead of his time,” Presidential Historian, Terrence Fryeburg said. “Come ten or so years from now, I wouldn’t be surprised if they changed Mt. Rushmore to include his face. Maybe replace Roosevelt. What the hell did he do, anyway? Nothing compared to what Bush has done. And Rushmore is just the start. Put (Bush) on the 100 dollar bill. No, put him on all the bills. He was the greatest President that we will ever know. He saved us from terrorists and he saved us from Mexicans. No other President has ever done that! Well, maybe James K. Polk, but that was totally different.”

Despite all the praise that is being heaped upon him, former President Bush is trying his best to stay humble.

“Now, I’m going to honest with you, I didn’t do this on purpose,” Bush said. “I was just sitting there, thinking to myself if it was humanly possible for me to fit my entire fist in my mouth. The next thing I know, the economy has gone down the shitter and all of them Mexicans are going home. Heh, I guess I did do it. I rock!”


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