Artist: Kansas City too Stupid to Appreciate Art


KANSAS CITY, KS – The morning after his debut at the Kelgloss Gallery in downtown Kansas City, local artist Enrich Fellstone lashed out against the residents of the city calling them “Neanderthals that wouldn’t know real art if it came right up to them and fucked their sister.”

Fellstone’s remarks came after only a small number of people attended his art show’s opening night festivities.

“The people of this shit-hole town missed more than just the most amazing art experience of their lives,” Fellstone said. “They missed out on the short film ‘Fellstone: A Vision Like No Other’ and we also had a wide array of gourmet cookies and juices for people to enjoy as they perused the halls, staring and pondering these wonderful images I have laid out for them, like so many others before me. But no! Only five fucking people showed up. And two of them were dirty homeless guys that saw the cookies through the window.”

Fellstone had come under attack from several religious and feminist groups in the weeks prior to the opening of his show. The groups complained that the pieces in Fellstone’s collection were “tasteless” and “offensive to everyone.”

“I don’t care what the fuck these goat-fucking mongoloids have to say. They have obviously never been exposed to real art and when I tried to give them something they have never seen, they turned away. The concepts and themes of my pieces are difficult for even the educated to grasp so I should have known these brainless wastes wouldn’t understand,” Fellstone said.

The corner stone of the show was the life-sized image of a man furiously masturbating to a picture of an aerosol cheese can. The piece, which has been labeled by many critics as “inspiring,” was called “seriously fucked up” by the locals.

“That piece isn’t even the worst one. The man is sick and evil. Anyone who paints a picture of Jesus giving a monkey a piggyback ride while naked from the waist down and a midget swings from his testicles is a disgusting human being. There is nothing artistic about a picture of a man clubbing a woman with a Bible while she gives him oral sex and puts a crucifix in his rear end. That is just wrong. Sick and wrong. Mr Fellstone is going to Hell and I know several people in this town who would like to help him on his way,” Gracie Dillon, local businesswoman and protester said.

The Kelgloss Gallery is reportedly standing behind Fellstone and released a statement saying, “We will give Enrich every chance to succeed because we know this young gentleman is talented. His show will continue as planned until the end of the month when it will be replaced with drawings of neglect and abuse collected from the Children’s hospital down the street.”


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