EL SEGUNDO, CA – As the economy continues to struggle, not even celebrities are immune to the downturn and this week Barbie announced that her house is facing foreclosure.
According to bank records, Barbie has defaulted on several of her recent mortgage payments, ultimately forcing the foreclosure of her $200 million dollar “dream” home.
“I just can’t believe that this is happening to me,” Barbie said. “It just seems so surreal that one day you have the house of your dreams with a Jacuzzi, a dance floor, a winding stair case, an escalator, an inviting living room with louvered doors that open and close, state-of-the-art kitchen and luxurious bed and bath suite. Then the next day you’re out on your ass. What kind of world do we live in where this can happen to a super celebrity like me?”
Barbie, a fashion icon for young girls, has seen her wealth decrease over the last ten years as newer, more modern fashion icons have come on to the scene.
“Barbie hasn’t had a good couple years. In fact, the last three or four have been downright bad,” said Barbie spokeswoman Rhonda Castino. “The fuckin’ ugly-ass Bratz were all the rage for a while, but we sued and got them to drop their shtick. But more and more it seems that instead of going for glamour and class, which Barbie represents, girls are going for skank and retarded. But that’s life in the industry. I mean, Barbie is like 50-years-old. It’s hard to stay cool and beautiful when you are really old, like Barbie. I suppose she could have more work done but I’m not sure her skin can handle any pulls.”
Like most Americans, the poor economy combined with a lifestyle of complete and utter luxury has made things even more difficult on the celebrity.
“Life is getting tough, like math,” Barbie said. “It’s just getting harder and harder for me to make things work. I have a rocket ship for crying out loud! Do you know how much money it takes to put gas in that thing? It’s not cheap. And then there’s that lazy mooch of a boyfriend that I have. Do you think he does a damn thing to help me out financially? No. He just sits there looking pretty while I go out there and bust my ass doing 53 different jobs.”
While many sympathize with Barbie, a growing number of lawyers and city representatives are openly questioning Barbie’s management of her assets.
“You’d think that with as many high profile jobs as Miss Barbie has had, she would have no problem paying something as simple as a mortgage,” said Mark Everett, a lawyer with the law firm of Oliver & Everett. “For fucks sake she’s a lawyer. She should know (foreclosure) was imminent. Hey, I know, she can call her astronaut friends in NASA to bail her out. Or her teacher friends. Or her doctor friends. See, this is what gets me. I’m sick of people pretending that (Barbie) is not to blame in this whole mess. She’s got money. She has to. Unless of course she blew all of it on coke and plastic surgery, which is quite possible.”
Barbie still hopes to resolve the foreclosure issue before her house is purchased by someone else.
“This house is so important to me, you couldn’t possibly imagine,” said Barbie. “I’ve had parties here, weddings here, dance competitions here, tea parties here, I’ve worked here, I’ve spent my whole life here. And now some jerk wants to take it all away from me because I forgot to pay my bills for a little over six months. How is that fair? How is that what America stands for? I’m going to become President and change the rules so that rich people like me will never have to worry about money again.”