STAMFORD, CT – For the first time in United States history, Presidential candidates will not only square off in a series of televised debates but also in the wrestling ring. Late last week, the World Wrestling Federation signed both the republican and democratic presidential hopefuls to the main event during the “No Mercy” pay-per view special slated for Sunday, Oct. 22.
The match, scheduled as a “tag team barbed wire death cage hardcore battle for the Presidency” will be the first of its kind, marking the first ever physical competition between candidates. Al Gore and George W. Bush, along with their respective running mates have agreed to the terms and rules provided by the WWF and are both currently enrolled in “high-intensity and impact training.”
“This will absolutely be, with out a doubt, the biggest thing the WWF has ever attempted. The Hulk Hogan Vs Andre the Giant thing years ago was big, but this will be just damn incredible. Eat my ass Turner!” Vince McMahon, WWF CEO, said.
Gore and Bush will each assume a character persona based upon their parties platform during the match as Gore becomes the Luminescent Liberal and Bush will appear as The Right Wing Ranger.
The candidates hope that appearing in this type of event will raise both party’s political awareness and voter turnout for the upcoming November Election, specifically with the elusive young-adult and white-trash population.
Although the match is two months away, the combatants are already commenting on their chances of victory.
“That little weenie Gore doesn’t stand a chance against the awesome power of that which is Bush and Cheney,” Bush said at a recent fundraiser. “I will rip out his throat and make him drink down his own bile. You don’t scare me tin man. You and your little veepee will soon know the fury and destructive force of the Right Wing Ranger and Giant Dick. I’ve use bigger wads of toilet paper to wipe my ass. I will own gore in that ring!”
Upon hearing the speech, Gore was quick to respond.
“Oh yeah! Check this my fellows, I will beat him like a whiney little girl. I’ll make him hurt. Hurt so bad his daddy will have to carry him out of the ring. If he thinks he can take the double team from me and Jigglin’ Joe, then bring it on, brother. Dare to test the best? Then prepare to rest… in pieces. Beoatch!” Gore said.
The event will be held on Oct. 22 in Albany, New York with tickets going on sale Monday Sept. 4th at 9 am.