Video Game Lets Players Control Actual 80-Year-Olds

Players can control actual, real-life 80-year-olds in the new “Geriatric: Thr3” video game.
Players can control actual, real-life 80-year-olds in the new “Geriatric: Thr3” video game.

SEATTLE, WA – Developers have released some details of an eagerly anticipated video game – the third part in the best-selling “Geriatric” Series.

While it does not come out until summer, developers announced last week that “Geriatric: Thr3” will be available only on the Xbox gaming system and allow users to control their avatar using the Kinect motion capture system.

According to developers, the game will also extend the game play of the previous “Geriatric” games and offer players the chance to do “almost anything an old person can do.”

“We’ve built a lot of new actions into this game,” said developer Sindra Jun. “In the first two games you could really only do two things – either walk or nap. And while that was good and fun, players wanted more. Our developers really went above and beyond. So now players will be able to do just about anything an old person does. You can nap, sit in a chair and watch TV, sleep, complain about everything, read James Paterson books, sit in a chair and stare out windows, and wait for family members to call. Oh! And I almost forgot! One of the exciting things that we built in is what we call ‘stroke recognition’ where if the player falls down on the ground and starts shaking the Kinect will register that and the player’s in-game character will have a stroke. It’s cool.”

Developers also confirmed rumors that the game will let players interact in the real world in the form of actual, real-life 80-year-olds.

“Yes, we are very excited to announce that ‘Geriatric: Thr3’ will be the first game to let users control actual human beings in addition to the computer generated characters they are familiar with,” said Kevin McGhee, Director of Content for the Xbox. “When we first started to conceptualize the game, we were thinking ‘what can we do to make it seem even more real for the player?’ The simple answer was to make the game real – to use real people. Similar to the ideas that came out in the movie ‘Avatar,’ when you log into the game, you take control of a living breathing person. Remember that movie? I personally thought it was kinda dumb and derivative but, you know, whatever. The game will be totally cool and original though. Unlike that ‘Avatar’ movie.”

By adding real human lives to the game, video game experts say the concept of video game may be forever changed.

“Today’s gamers… they don’t really know anything when it comes to the real world around them, how things really work. They see games like ‘Saint’s Row’ or ‘Assassin’s Creed’ and they have no concept of consequences,” said Wired Magazine video game reviewer Jordan Flierd. “In those games you can just slaughter people and even kill yourself over and over and 10-seconds later everything is ok again. But now, with ‘Geriatric: Thr3,’ the whole landscape changes. Now there are serious consequences when you make a poor decision in game.”

By giving players control of a real life human being ”Geriatric: Thr3” will be unlike any other video game: once a player’s avatar dies, game play will end.

“There is nothing like it out on the market. Once an avatar dies players will have to reregister and start the game over at the very beginning. There is no respawning here,” said McGhee. “As of our launch date, we have over three million octogenarians signed up and we are getting more every day. We don’t expect that many people to be in game at launch, but you know, with the way people die and all. And of course there will be those that will just walk their avatar into oncoming traffic just because it’s funny. That will always happen, but we’re confident that we’ll have enough volunteers to handle demand. And you can make that person do all kinds of crazy things. Of course the person you’re controlling is at least 80-years-old, so the things might be a little on the slow side.”

The game will also take advantage of new facial recognition software that will choose avatars that look like the player might in the future.

“The facial recognition stuff is really cutting edge,” said Jun. “We look at over 50 points on the human face and use a very complicated algorithm to match you with one of the people who have signed up to be avatars. It’s actually kinda creepy.”

The game is slated to be released on March 7th but will not be available until Summer 2014.


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