COLUMBIA, SC – A group of sociologists based out of the University of South Carolina have proved, with very large numbers, that women do not, in fact, dig scars.
“Up until last week we all thought the popular saying was true, that chicks dig scars,” said USC Sociology Professor, Gilbert Craine. “But numbers don’t lie and 99% of the 3,000-plus women we surveyed say they do not like scars. Most women actually said they are actually disgusted by a man with visible scars.”
The phrase “chicks dig scars” has been a popular saying in the United States for over 200 years. It’s believed the phrase was made popular by Viking Neanderthal Samurais who hunted dinosaurs. The phrase continues to be popular amongst assholes and psychopaths.
The USC research team polled over 3,000 women and asked them a series of questions regarding scars.
“We didn’t want to just have one question for this survey,” said USC Sociology student and survey coordinator, Linda Pasde. “Really we only wanted to ask the one question but that would just be a waste of everyone’s time. So we all sat around for six months and tried to come up with some other questions to ask. We eventually settled on three. Three seemed like a good number. All the questions were scar related though.”
The three questions asked by the survey coordinators were; Do you dig scars? Do you think you would date someone who had visible scars? Would you date Brad Pitt if he had a really big, gross scar on his face?
When asked if they “dig” scars, 99% of the women surveyed said “no.” When asked if they would date someone with visible scars, 97% of the women said “no, unless he was rich.” And when asked if they would date Brad Pitt if he had a scar on his face, 78% of women said “yes, unless he also had a scar on his penis.”
The research team said they saw a lot of positive response to the survey as women in the United States are eager to see the phrase retired.
“No woman I know has ever said ‘oh my god Becky! Did you see that guy’s scar? I want to bang him now he is so sexy,’” said survey taker Becky Gewasd. “That has never been said by any woman ever. Also, this wasn’t in the survey but you know what else women do not think is sexy or fun or sweet or anything other than stupid? Marriage proposals at sporting events. No woman alive is that big an asshole that they would want to be proposed to during a 49er’s game.”
Researchers aren’t real sure what to do with the data they’ve collected but the research team members do correct people when they hear the phrase “chicks dig scars.”