ANAHIEM, CA – Civil unrest has torn apart the once quiet, once peaceful land of It’s A Small World. This tiny little province in the north most sector of Disneyland has erupted in senseless and inescapable violence.
Racial, ethnic and religious prejudice is consuming the people of It’s A Small World leading some to the most horrific acts this region has ever seen. The channel that winds through the entire land is now blood red, littered with gears, springs, broken plastic heads and melted plastic bodies. In the villages, few buildings remain with even fewer reminders of a life of harmony, a life long forgotten.
It’s A Small World, once herald as a world of peace, a world of joy is now nothing more than a battleground where intolerance and hatred reign supreme. Ethnic cleansing is turning brother on brother, sister on sister and little anamatronic puppet on little anamatronic puppet. It seems as though no one is safe.
“It has become a very sensitive time,” George Valderatta, Disneyland Representative to the United Nations, said. “We really have to approach this situation with the greatest amount of care. This situation has the potential of being a moral disaster, not only for the residents of It’s A Small World, but to the rest of the world as well.”
The trouble began nearly a month ago leading many to wonder why only now is Disneyland and the international community taking notice.
“Up to this point we have been using love and understanding to quell these uprisings. This tactic has not produced the results we had hoped.” Valderatta said. “We have spoken with the United Nations and they have given us permission to begin air assaults and large scale bombing campaigns. It is clear to us now that the only possible solution lies with direct and brutal force. The United Nations will not stop until every last puppet is dead. They have brought this only on themselves.”
The situation started out as most conflicts do, as an alcohol induced rage. Back in May, a group of Russian anamatronic puppets were sitting quietly in one of the many bars/strip clubs that line Main St. USA, drinking heavily and for the most part keeping to themselves. As eyewitness accounts state, a smaller and more inebriated group of French anamatronic puppets entered the bar/strip club and immediately began antagonizing the Russians. Words were said and threats were made escalating the situation almost to a boil. The whole scene turned ugly as three French, two Russians and a score of other bar/strip club patrons, were slaughtered by a surly Italian anamatronic puppet wearing a tuxedo. The Italian puppet removed what reports describe as a Tommy Gun from his violin case and proceeded to gun down anything and everything that moved, including the owner of the bars, French poodle.
“Man, dat sheet, it vas very, very, ah how do you say, ahh testicle? No, terrible. Da, it vas very terrible,” a witness stated. “Dat sheet, he vas going ‘Yah faggy sheets!’ Look vat dat sheet deed to dat dog right der!”
From this point, the conflicts only intensified. After years of oppression and forced exposure to Spice Girl anamatronic puppets, the Irish anamatronic puppets attacked the British anamatronic puppets. The U.S. anamatronic puppets destroyed several other, weaker countries and the Canada anamatronic puppets picked on the only country that is more useless than them, Luxembourg. The most horrible attack came as a result of Germany anamatronic puppets invasion into Poland.
“Yes, we have been successful in our blitz. It was just like old times. Next we will conquer Russia. I wish Hitler was here to see this.” German anamatronic puppet, Hans Obervanheinshiel, said.
Lately, some of the more pathetic South American countries like Brazil and Chile, have been teaming up with other stupid and un-industrialized countries attempting to take control over China, but were met only with failure.
“Well yeah, I thought we really had a chance up till the end there you know, but there are just way to fucking many of those bastards.” Brazilian nationalist, Joe Hamilton, said. “Shit, they are everywhere.”
This new spread of violence has brought about the research and design of new and frightening weapons. On such weapon is the so-called “Project Killemall” which is being produced by the U.S. While the project is being developed under the highest security, one source has been quoted as saying, “this will teach them commie sonsofbitches to mess with the motherfucking U.S.” But one of the most terrifying weapons is the Australian’s project code-named “Irwin.” This project has supposedly created a genetically engineered puppet, far superior to the rest of the relatively fragile anamatronic puppets.
The carnage has grown at such a fevered pace, that some anamatronic puppets have been forced to take refuge in other, far off places within Disneyland.
“We currently have refugees spread all over the park,” Valderatta said. “We have a family of poor Vietnamese holed in one of the flying Dumbo cars, a small group of German-Jews behind the bookcase in Goofy’s House and we even have an entire clan of Ethiopians actually living in the ass of Brear Bear on Splash Mountain.”