FREDERICK, MD – A local cell phone salesman, Terrance Treddle, is already regretting his Twitter nickname. Last month Treddle signed up for Twitter with the username FuckRogers6969696 and came to regret the decision almost immediately.
“I signed up for Twitter ‘cus all my boys said shit was wild on there, ya know?” said Treddle. “So, like, I got signed up and I picked a funny name ‘cus I’m a clown, ya know? Everyone is always sayin’ I’m, like, the funniest guy they know so I gots a reputation I need to uphold ‘n shit.”
Less than two days after registering the name FuckRogers6969696, Treddle began to regret picking the Twitter username as his friends began to mock him and his boss told him that the name was “childish.”
“I told (Treddle) that he should really change it,” said Scott Mira, Treddle’s manager at Verizon. “I mean, we really can’t make him change his Twitter name, but really, it’s probably a really good idea. At some point, he’s really going to need to grow up. He’s a 25-year-old high school drop out who’s working at Verizon. He’s already got so many strikes against him that it’s already the seventh inning stretch… if you get my baseball analogy.”
Treddle picked the name FuckRogers6969696 because he had recently seen the TV show “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century” on Netflix and changed the first word from “Buck” to “Fuck” because it he likes to have sex.
“My dawg T-dawg told me that he thought the name sounded kinda gay,” Treddle said. “But I told him that I had called ‘no homo’ when I made. See, I got in the habit of calling ‘no homo’ before I do anything, ‘cus ya know, pretty much everything can be seen as homo now. I gots ta protect myself, ya know? Like the time that I put my balls in T-dawg’s mouth when he was sleeping. I totally called ‘no homo’ so it totally wasn’t, even though it totally felt good.”
While Treddle’s friends often humor him, letting Treddle’s new Twitter username go without commenting on it was simply too difficult.
“He tries, but really, it’s kind of annoying,” said Troy DeVries, Treddle’s friend. “I mean he insists on calling me T-dawg. I hate that name and I’ve told him 50 times to stop calling me that, but he just doesn’t get it. He’s kinda like a little kid with Down ’s Syndrome. You don’t really want to hang out with him but then you feel bad for him because he’s so completely socially inept that if you don’t hang out with him, he’ll probably hurt himself.”
According to Treddle, he tried to change his username but was unable to figure out how to do it.
“Yo, I totally logged on and tried to change it but that shit is way too tough for me,” Treddle said. “Man, I’m surprised that I even remembered how to log on. Me and my boy T-dawg totally smoked, literally 15 pounds of sticky-icky last night. I was bombed, yo. But check it, I totally had a better name for my Twitter… FleshHardon. Get it? It’s like Flash Gordon but all sexy like. It’s going to be tits, yo! If I can figure out how to change the stupid-ass thing.”