ATLNATA, GA – People across the country remain confused and unsure how to feel about the recent flooding in the south east as no celebrity has commented publicly on the event.
“I, I just don’t know what to think. I just saw the news and it looks really bad and stuff but what does George Clooney think about it?” said Iowa resident and occasional news reader, Glenda Herman. “No one has come out and said anything about the whole mess. No one has even tweeted about it! You know, like after earthquake in Japan celebrities were all over that like, right away. But we’ve got nothing so far. Dustin Diamond hasn’t even said anything. I guess the only thing I can really do is keep my eyes on all the newspapers, Twitter, gossip websites, entertainment news shows, and blogs until someone can get a hold of someone famous to tell us how they feel about (the flood).”
The flooding, which occurred 20 minutes ago, appears as though it may be a tragedy but without confirmation from a famous person it remains unclear as to how Americans should feel about it.
“Where are (celebrities) when we need them? Why are they being silent on (the flooding)?” said Atlanta resident Rochelle Trakas. “What does Ashton Kutcher think about this? That’s what I want to know. Why can’t anyone get a hold of one of them Kardashians? They are everywhere. Why can’t we at least hear from one of them so we know how to deal with this flooding? At this point, I just feel like I should curl up in the fetal position and cry but I’m not sure that’s what Miley Cyrus would tell me to do. That’s how bad the situation is. But if Snooki were to tell me that everything was going to be ok, I could get back to watching ‘Dancing with the Stars.’”
For the past several minutes all major news outlets have been reaching out to all celebrities in hopes that one will be available for comment.
“We’ve tried to get in contact with everyone we could think of but so far we’ve had no luck,” said director of CNN’s Headline News, Dean Measster. “We even tried to get call Kathy Griffin. That’s how desperate we are to get someone famous on the line. Hell, Dean Cain wasn’t even available. That’s where we’re at. The only thing that I can figure is that every celebrity is so broken up about what’s happening that they just can’t think straight enough to comment.”
The Scoop News reached out to a number of celebrates to understand how they feel about people wanting to know about how they feel about the flood. At press time we were unable to contact a celebrity directly but did receive a statement from Jessica Biel’s publicist.
“Ms. Biel is far too famous to give a quote to anyone outside of her loyal Twitter followers,” the release said. “When the time is right, Ms. Biel will be available to comment on whatever it is you need her to comment on.”
Until a celebrity breaks their silence on the flood, Americans will have little choice then to wait.
“At this point I just need to know what to think,” Trakas said. “I mean, I need to know if I should be horrified, angry or indifferent. I’m sure some celebrity will be along soon to tell me that the flooding is terrible but I can’t just start thinking that in case I’m wrong. I need to know so that when I go into work tomorrow, my opinion of the whole thing is already formed.”