Local Residents Not Surprised by Tragedy

Residents of Lexington are not surprised by a recent tragedy.
Residents of Lexington are not surprised by a recent tragedy.
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LEXINGTON, SC – The people of Lexington were not surprised at all with the tragedy that occurred earlier this week. The tragic events, which left the nation stunned, had little impact on the residents of the community.

“Yeah, no, I wasn’t surprised by it at all,” said Lexington resident Jasper Kneeper. “In fact, I don’t even really remember what it was. Was there a school shooting or something? Some kid was killed? A natural disaster? Shit, I don’t remember. Crazy shit happens everywhere. Why would it not happen here, too? I mean, whatever it was, it was no worse than anything else that’s happened lately.”

As the tragedy came as no surprise to the local residents—even fewer remember what actually happened.

“Yeah! What the fuck did happened?” said Wallace Freemont. “There was some shit. I know that! But I ain’t remembering what kinda shit it was! Kidnappin’? Oh! Was it a crazy-ass serial killer in town? Or those dudes makin’ meth out in the desert? Shit. That mighta been on the TV. Ah hell, I don’t remember. Whatever it was is was some bullshit though. A real tragedy and blah blah blah. You know what the real tragedy is here? I ain’t got my mutha fuckin’ movie check yet! Hey, Darius… Give me my money!”

As the tragedy unfolded, residents in the area gathered on the sidewalk watching and shaking their heads.

“I just stood there shakin’ ma head thinkin’ ‘oh boy, they shouldna done that,’” said tragedy witness Vanessa Walker. “But I’ll be damned if I can’t remember what happened. Was that the one about the youngin’s with the guns? Or was it the bridge goin’ out? Or was it the fire? I just ain’t rememberin’. I get all confused with all that.”

Although few were surprised by the tragedy, several residents were surprised it took so long for such a tragedy to occur.

“You woulda thunk that something like this woulda happened a long time ago,” Said Billy Williams. “I mean the writin’ was on the wall for a long time. But at the same time, while we were all waitin’ for it in the back of our minds, it’s still a bit shocking when it actually hits. Whatever it is that happened.”

Now that a tragedy has happened, locals say they will still not be surprised if another one happens soon.

“When something like this happens, it’s only a matter of time before something else happens,” said Kneeper. “It’s like a domino effect or something. Things just start falling and then it just gains momentum. I mean first you have a school shooting and then you have a hurricane and then you have an outbreak of bird flu. That’s just the way it goes. You know it, I know it. At the end of the day they’re just going to happen. There’s no use getting your knickers in a twist over it.”

Despite the citizens of Lexington’s casual attitude toward the tragedy, many people from across the country have stepped up to offer their support.

“We need to do something and we need to do it now!” said Madison, WI, resident Maggie O’Hannan. “We need to start gathering donations for all the people who are affected by this possibly senseless tragedy. They’ll need blankets and food and money and possibly a new home to live in. I’m not really sure. What was it that happened there?”

If you would like to make donations for the victims in Lexington, please contact the Scoop Offices.


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