Friends Sick of Hearing How Local Man Doesn’t Own a Car

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PORTLAND, OR – Friends of local man, Jerod Greemes, are getting sick of hearing about how he doesn’t own, need or want a car.

“We are all like ‘we get it! You don’t have a car anymore,’” said Greemes’ friend Slayton Kerswinn. “It doesn’t make him any cooler to any of us and we all know that he doesn’t have a car so I don’t know why he keeps bringing it up. It’s not even that interesting of a thing. This is fucking Portland. Half the people I know don’t own cars.”

Greemes sold his car in April and has since relied solely on public transportation or his bicycle. Since then, Greemes has continued to state the fact that he doesn’t own a car even though all of his friends already know.

“I don’t have a car,” said Greemes. “I got rid of my car because it was just, so… I just don’t want to be a slave to the freeways and highways and sit in the stupid traffic all day. And I don’t want to contribute to those nightmare gas companies. Taking the train and riding my bike opens up the world. I can go anywhere someone in a car can go… as long as it’s close to a Max stop or there aren’t any steep hills.”

According to his friends, Greemes mentions that he doesn’t have a car during every conversation, regardless if the fact pertains to the discussion.

“I’d say, and I’m being conservative here, that (Greemes) brings up the fact that he doesn’t own a car anymore at least twice during any conversation,” said Greemes’ friend Carol Rasp. “It really doesn’t matter what anyone is talking about, (Greemes) will still somehow manage to interject the fact that he sold his car and now just takes the train or rides his bike. Like last night I was talking with another friend of mine about what gynecologist she uses and he blurts out ‘if I had a gynecologist I’d look for one that is pretty close to a Max stop or at least within a couple miles of one because I don’t have a car.’ We just kinda looked at him and went about our conversation. It was just weird.”

According to Greemes, he has no intention of owning or operating a motor vehicle and will continue to state that as he feels it’s important that people know “it’s possible to get out and do shit without a car.”

“You know, I don’t own a car but I still go out and do shit,” said Greemes. “It’s not like I’m sitting at home watching some bullshit reality TV show. I get on my bike or take the Max downtown or whatever. You know, I don’t own a car so sometimes it takes a little longer for me to get places but I still get there. You don’t need a car. I don’t need a car. I don’t even want a car. Sure I have to make like 10 trips to the grocery store a week and my friends have to drive me to IKEA and I have to borrow my parent’s car when we go down to Eugene … but that’s fine.”

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