Google Set to Release New Cock Ring: Google ThrOb

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Google will soon release Google Throb cock ring.
Google will soon release Google Throb cock ring.
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MENLO PARK, CA – Just a few short weeks after expanding the test field for its highly anticipated GoogleGlass, Google released details of its next big innovation – the upcoming cock ring including details, price and sale date.

“Google is excited to announce that the new Google cock ring, Google ThrOb, will be hitting shelves in August,” said Google Marketing Manager Gil Philbert. “Google ThrOb will be powered by our Android operating system and yes, it will be sold with both wifi and cellular connectivity. People are going to be totally blown away by all the things that we have in store for them with this product. We have raised the bar on cock ring technology. I mean, when you look at it, the cock ring hasn’t really evolved since it was invented. Sure there are cock rings with textures now, or spikes if you’re into pain, but really, a cock ring is a cock ring. Till now. Google ThrOb will change cock rings forever.”

The new Google ThrOb cock ring will be connected to the internet, will allow the use of apps, and is designed to work with other Google products.

“The internet connectivity is really going to be the thing that sets the Google ThrOb apart from other cockrings,” said Google ThrOb designer Chris Ray. “I mean think about it, how many times have you been sitting there wearing your cockring and thought to yourself ‘wow, I could really like to be a lot harder now but there’s nothing I can do!’ Well, now there is. Now you can put on your Google ThrOb, pull up your handy ThrOb app on your phone and set your level of hardness. Do you want you look like you’re halfway there? Set it to Five. Want to tear a hole in your underwear? Crack that shit up to 10. The power is in your hands. And it also has a built in camera so you can take pictures from the ThrOb and post them to Instagram. And it has a location service so your friends can see where you are with your cock ring on. But the coolest feature is it’s seemless integration with GoogleGlass. If you have both GoogleGlass and Google ThrOb you can see the world from your cock’s perspective. It’s a game changer.”

When it hits the shelves in August, Google Throb will sell for $250.

“Now a lot of people will read about the price and think that it’s pretty steep for a cock ring, but let me tell you, it will be well worth it,” Philbert said. “Right now, you can go into any adult store and pick up your basic cock ring for about 20 bucks. But can you control that cock ring with your phone? No. Does it have an embedded HD camera? No. Does it light up and play The Star Spangled Banner when you come? No, it does not.”

Google ThrOb will be the first product in Google’s new sex toy line which will feature the release of a dildo called Google Pole later this year.

“Up until now all the tech companies, the major players at least, have shied away from jumping in to the sex toy arena,” said Wall Street Technology Analyst Frank Escarte. “But this is a category that is completely ripe for exploring. The things that we can do with things that could go in your butt are unlimited. It’s an exciting time to like freaky sex play.”

There have been rumors in the tech industry that Apple is developing a line of sex toys but many experts believe the company will wait to see how successful Google ThrOb is before making any product announcements.

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