Newspaper Writers Writing Self-Aggrandizing Story

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PORTLAND, OR – Writers for the popular website The Scoop News are in the process of writing a very self-congratulatory story to celebrate the paper’s 15th anniversary.

“We felt that writing a story about The Scoop News and how great it is would be a good way to kinda get the message out there that we’ve been doing this shit for 15 years,” said writer and The Scoop News co- Editor-In-Chief, Aaron Bell. “A lot of people may not realize that we’ve been at this for so long, but we have. A lot of people probably think 15 years is too long to be writing dumb articles that tens of people read. It probably is, but who are we to judge?”

Industry insiders expect the story, which celebrates the fifteen-year anniversary of The Scoop News, to be self-congratulatory, a clear cry for attention, and also not very funny.

“It’s not done yet but at this point I suspect the story will be pretty favorable to The Scoop News and its writers,” said industry expert and The Scoop News co- Editor-In-Chief, J. Allan Bell. “It’s really hard to write three full stories a month that are also funny. So instead of three new stories I suspect that we will write a story about writing funny stories and about doing that for 15 years.

The story’s writers began writing the story after several failed attempts to write a funnier, more relevant story.

“Writing three complete, one to one and a half page stories a month is a lot of work,” said J. Allen Bell. “I mean, we put in so many hours of work each month, like maybe four whole hours, working on these stories. It’s really hard work but we overcome, much like the slaves on the plantations, and we knock it out of the park every time. I dare you to find another newspaper that is as consistently funny as The Scoop.”

“Being funny is hard, but in the end it’s all worth it,” Aaron Bell said. “I’ve spent six of the last eight weeks on vacation. Do you know how hard it is to get out of ‘vacation mode’ and get back to ‘funny mode?’ It’s hard as shit. Now I’m going to need to take another vacation just to relax after working on this story for a whole 10 minutes.”

Fans of The Scoop News hope the story includes the same references used in most Scoop stories but the fans are also expecting to be let down.

“Since we are talking about The Scoop News I’m just going to assume that that story will have an interesting premise but will lose steam pretty quickly and then resort to jokes about hookers and drugs” said “fan” James Darrow, 27, of Denver, Colorado. “To be honest, I didn’t even know The Scoop News was still being updated with new content. I thought they gave up a long time ago. Well, whatever. Good for them I guess. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to finish this really funny article on [content deleted].”

At press time, the story was still being written so no details about the story can be verified.


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