KANSAS CITY, KS – The company behind Hooters is expanding in to healthcare and will soon open a new health care clinic called Breastview Hospital.
Chanticleer Holdings, the company behind Hooters and BT’s Burger Joint, is branching out, beyond hamburgers and wings, as part of a new business strategy to meet customer needs.
“At Chanticleer Holdings we care greatly about our customers and let’s face it, our customers need a lot of help. A lot of help,” said Chanticleer Holdings spokesman, Dirk Schwang. “Our customers generally fall in to two groups; grossly overweight men with a number of pending medical emergencies, or lonely alcoholics. With our Breastview medical centers we can continue to take care of our customers after a heart attack or after an alcohol induced car wreck. Oh and did I mention the ambulance will also be provided by Breastview? And yes, the ambulance staff will have huge tits and wear tight shirts and short shorts. We want our customers to enjoy the Hooters experience right up until they die. Which, of course we don’t want to happen. But in the eventuality that some one does die the way, we are also looking in to expending in to funeral services.”
As is the case with Hooters, Breastview Hospital will be primarily staffed with attractive women wearing tight uniforms.
“Of course our staff will have their tits all in your face – that’s what people expect from the Hooters experience,” said Breastview Hospital Marketing Director, Karen Lupricht. “Sure the ‘sexy nurse’ is a cliché, but people don’t come to Hooters or any of our other properties looking for something ‘new’. People come for tits and ass. And chicken wings. But we won’t be selling those at the hospital. That just wouldn’t be right. Unless there is a high demand for them. Then we might change our minds but right now we are drawing the line at chicken wings in the hospital.”
Breastview Hospital will be opened within two miles of a Hooters restaurant in order to provide greater access to medical care for Hooters’ customers.
“In order to meet the needs of our customers slash patients, we will be opening Breastview hospitals relatively close to our Hooters restaurants,” said Lupricht. “This will allow us to treat the heart attack victims quickly and the drunk drivers that leave Hooters and crash. Quick access to medical care is critical for these patients slash customers. We need to get them back on their feet and back in a Hooters as quickly as possible.”
Some Hooters regulars are interested in what Breastview Hospital will have to offer and are looking forward to visiting the medical center soon.
“Fuck yeah I’m excited,” said Hooters regular, Skip Klein. “I already been to the regular hospital five times this year for my troublesome ticker. But if I can get the same… Hooters thing at a hospital? Well, damn! Sign me up!”
Chanticleer Holdings shares went up after the announcement and several investment firms rated the plan diversify and open medical centers as positive.