WASHINGTON, D.C. – For more than two weeks, President Donald Trump has had a piece of spinach stuck in his teeth and it remains unclear if he knows that it’s there.
“It amazes me that (Trump) doesn’t know that the spinach is there,” said Senator Richard Goldar, (D-WA). “Surely he’s looked in the mirror or seen himself on TV in the last couple weeks. Seriously, someone that vain has had to see himself, right? But perhaps even more disturbing, has he not brushed his teeth in two weeks?”
Aides to the President say they have tried to tell him about the spinach but he doesn’t appear to understand.
“After the first couple minutes, when it was clear that he didn’t know there was spinach in his teeth, we started making gestures and trying to politely and discreetly let him know that he had a piece of spinach in his teeth but he just stared at us blankly,” said White House staffer, Rick Whiteson. “Then after a day or so we told him, to his face, that he had spinach stuck in his teeth but, again, he just stared at us blankly. Funny story about Trump and spinach, he eats it because he thinks Popeye is real and he thinks that we will become instantly super strong if he eats it. Trump is a dumb, dumb person.”
The spinach was first noted several weeks ago, shortly after a lunch meeting with Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel.
“I was aware that President Donald Trump was, as you say, a dumb person. But I was not aware that he was also with no hygiene,” said Merkel. “(Trump) must brush his teeth. He must also realize that his actions and words are damaging America beyond recovery. I am afraid that he is too dumb to realize that however. My apologies America. May your next leader not be a dumb turd.”
White House staffers have given Trump a tooth brush hoping he would use it to brush his teeth and remove the spinach but instead, Trump used the tooth brush to comb his eye brows.
“We gave (Trump) a tooth brush and he just stared at it blankly for, like, 25 minutes,” said Whiteson. “But, on the plus side, his eyebrows are on point right now. They’re so good that they almost distract from the spinach. Almost. But then he opens his dumb, stupid mouth and there it is again.”
Three days ago another White House staffer tried to remove the spinach himself by sneaking in to Trumps bedroom while he slept but was scared away lights and sirens Trump uses to scare away monsters.
“(Trump) is a dumb, dumb person and he is also terrified of monsters,” said John Bulkovitch, head of the Secret Service. “Because he is afraid of monsters he has motion detector lights and lasers and sentinel guns in his bedroom so monsters don’t get him while he is sleeping. We tried to send an intern in to remove the spinach but the poor guy got scared off when the flood lights came on and the guns turned towards him.”
At this time, it is uncertain how long the spinach will remain in President Trump’s teeth.