Grandma Still Perfecting Thanksgiving Facebook Post

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SCHAUMBURG, IL – Local grandmother, Jeanne Delubente, 56, has been sitting at her computer for several hours trying to generate a Thanksgiving inspired Facebook post.

Delubente says she has had to become more careful and clear in her Facebook posts to avoid humiliation.

“Things these days are never simple,” Delubente said. “Everything means something else now, and most of the time it’s dirty. I mean back in my day, if someone said they were going to ‘take it in the back door,’ that meant they were going to move a piece of furniture into the house through the back door. You know why we used to do that? Because the back door is usually bigger than the front door. I can’t take a couch through the front door. No. You need to cram it in the back door. And sometimes the backdoor isn’t big enough so you really have to push that couch in there. Get a really big strong guy to get back there and just force it through the backdoor. That’s a simple statement that does not need to be turned into something filthy.”

In a recent post Delubente stated that she was “got new pot, now going to get dirty!” which was met almost immediately with comments from her children suggesting Delubente was buying marijuana.

“Grandma was totally going to get baked and get freaky, probably with Mr. Wilkins from next door,” said Jeanne Delubente’s grandson, Tim Delubente. “If I had a nickel for every time that I’ve gotten high and ended up fooling around with Mr. Wilkins, I’d have a shitload of nickels. Wait…”

Prior to posting on Facebook, Delubente now spends several hours crafting a message and an additional hour editing and correcting it. Occasionally she will call her friend Barb Greensburgh to discuss the post and identify any possible elements of ridicule.

“Barb is a good litmus test for what the kids think is inappropriate these days,” Delubente said. “She watches all those current TV shows like Cheers and The Cosby Show, so she has her finger on the pulse of the country. She’s also not afraid to tell me when something is going come out wrong. I just don’t get it. Luckily I have someone like Barb.”

All but one of Delubente’s posts over the last six months have been ridiculed by her children, grandchildren and friends. The one exception was the post stating that her husband had passed away.

“When Mom posted that my dad was ‘going to Netflix and chill with Jesus,’ as much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t make fun of it,” said Delubente’s daughter, Jani Greggory. “On one hand it was sad that my dad died. On the other hand, I can only imagine my dad up in heaven with Jesus, snuggling on the couch, dicks out and watching the Golden Girls, quietly stroking each other. He would have loved that. At least that thought made it a little easier to cope.”

Delubente’s children say they do not intend to make their mother feel bad, they just enjoy teasing their mother out of love and respect.

“It’s just too easy, but at the same time, you have to admire her for staying so innocent in this day and age,” Greggory said. “At the same time, it’s just too hard to not say something.”


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