WASHINGTON, DC – After working on it for a year and a half, President Donald Trump has finished coloring the first page of his Presidential Coloring book.
“You should see this page, some people say it’s the best page of coloring that has ever been colored,” Trump said. “Do you think that Crooked Hillary would have colored something this amazing? No. She should be in jail. I had the biggest election victory in the universe, you know that right? I tell that story everyday because I’m just the most amazing person in the world. It’s just me and Jesus, but you know, not that I like to brag, but I’m better than Jesus. First of all, he was a dirty Jew, so you know he was probably crooked. We won’t even get started that he’s from one of those shithole Muslim countries, so you know, he’s probably a terrorist. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that Jesus and Crooked Hillary colluded with the Russians to prevent be me from getting elected. I may have to start call him Jewy Jesus or something. You like that nickname? I came up with it myself. Right off the top of my head. Old Jewy Jesus and Crooked Hillary… partners in crime!”
After completing the picture Trump held a press conference to brag about his accomplishment. When asked what the picture was of, Trump seemed to stumble on his words before shouting “Me! I colored this! By myself! It was all me.”
“You have to remember that Trump is a stupid, stupid person. Historically stupid. And the sad thing is, (Trump) doesn’t even know what the picture is depicting,” said White House Chief of Staff John Kelly. “It’s a simple picture of the American Flag, that’s it. Yet (Trump) keeps calling it his ‘eagle’ picture. I… I just don’t anymore. I’m tired. Do you know how tired I am? I can’t do this shit anymore. Have you ever thought about how brain numbing this is for me? I was a general in the Marine Corps. All I wanted to do is make America white again and now I babysit a retarded chimpanzee that we call our President. For fucks sake, (the picture is) a god damned flag! There isn’t a fucking picture of an eagle in the entire book! This is how dumb this guy is. I’m sorry, that was insensitive. I shouldn’t put down retarded chimpanzees like that.”
Democrats have been quick to point out that Trump was unable to stay within the lines of the picture and that Trump used the wrong colors for the flag.
“First of all, my two-year-old grandson colors better than (Trump),” said House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. “(The picture) looks like someone, probably lacking in general cognitive abilities, just took a crayon and scribbled on the paper. On top of that, there isn’t a single hint of blue anywhere on this page. It’s just red and yellow. Even a retarded chimpanzee knows that the colors of our great flag are red, white and blue! I’m sorry, that was probably insensitive. I should have said mentally challenged chimpanzee. (Trump) is way worse than just mentally challenged.”
The book was given to him by President Barak Obama as a parting gift.
“It is customary for the outgoing President to give the President Elect a gift. I thought that it would be a nice gesture to give him a coloring book,” Obama said. “There is very little difference between Trump and, let’s say a two-year-old so we thought the coloring book would be a good gift. I’m just glad that I don’t have to deal with this shit anymore.”
Since completing the picture, Trump has asked Kelly to post the picture on the refrigerator in the White House kitchen.
“I’m not going to post (the picture) on the Fridge,” said Kelly. “If he wants it on the god damned fridge he can get off his stupid, fat ass and see if he can find the fridge and then he can try to figure out how to stick in on to the fridge.”
While there are several more pages in the coloring book it is unclear at this time if Trump will color any more pictures.