AUSTIN, TX – An awkward silence has persisted in the Kingston Medical Supply office after an employee sneezed and farted at the same time.
“It was a pretty normal day up until about 10 minutes ago, when all of a sudden someone sneezes and farts at the same time and then… then we all kinda just froze,” said Project Manager, Heath Loeb.
Almost immediately after Sharon Vernees sneezed and farted at the same time several of Sharon’s coworkers looked at each other but did not otherwise acknowledge the sneeze and fart.
“Of course it was Sharon,” said Developer, James Obarne. “She’s… um… she is… look, I know it’s not the right way to say this but she is fat. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that she sneezed and farted at the same time and I don’t want to say anything because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. But I looked across the aisle and I saw Heath (Loeb). And we just kinda looked at each other like, what do we do? I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. It’s like this entire office is pretending that someone didn’t just sneeze and fart at the same time.”
The awkward silence has now lasted 15 minutes as employees are unsure how to react.
“(Vernees) just sneezed and farted at the same time and we are all just sitting here like nothing happened but something did happen – someone sneezed and farted at the same god dammed time,” said Analyst, Sarah Craige. “I want to scream ‘oh my god, someone just sneezed and farted! You all heard that right?’ But I can’t do that though. (Sharon) is nice but I’m not sure how much longer I can be cool about this.”
The only coworker to react to the sneeze and fart so far is LaShawn Freeman who stood up, gathered some papers, and casually but briskly walked out of the office.
“I had to leave for two reasons,” said Freeman. “One, I might have laughed or done something else if I stayed in there longer and I don’t want to hurt no body’s feelin’s, ya’mean? But, like also, what if that fart stink? I don’t want to be around that shit. Literally.”
Vernees herself has yet to acknowledge the sneeze or the fart leaving some coworkers to wonder if she is aware that the sneeze and the fart occurred.