WASHINGTON, D.C. – Like many other Americans, President Trump and his staff have made New Year’s resolutions.
The Scoop News reached out to many of the remaining White House staff members about their resolutions for 2019.
White House staff New Year’s resolutions:
Sarah Huckabee Sanders
“My resolution? Drink less. It’s not easy being the face of this administration. People think that I don’t have a soul or that my ethics are non-existent but that’s not the case – granted there isn’t much but there is some. I actually suppress any goodness and honesty in my heart and soul with a lot of alcohol. But that alcohol is starting to take its toll on my overall health. So instead of drinking so much I am going to try to cut back and maybe start taking more pills to mute my conscience. Maybe coke… I hear that’s pretty good.”
“My daddy says I am perfect and I don’t need to change anything but if I did have a New Year’s resamalution it would be to have world peace, and, um… also make the world peaceful and… I would… also have a resama… volution to make things better for people. And also I qill buy that handbag that I like.”
“I am going to fill out the security forms this year. I know I’ve said I’d do it the last two years but I’ve been busy with… stuff. Definitely not business stuff because that would get me in trouble. I’ve been busy with um… stuff like Iraq and um… other places in the middle east that aren’t Saudi Arabia. But yeah, I’m totally going to fill out my security forms all the way with all honest answers. That’s my resolution. Also I’m going to try not cry when my wife brings home a ‘real man.’”
“I WILL CLEANSE ALL THAT IS DARK AND IMPURE FROM THIS WORLD. I AM NOT AFRIAD. I AM STRONG! AND I WILL WIN AND NOT BE A LOSER AND I WILL TOUCH A GIRL AND I WILL CLEANSE ALL THE DARKNESS OUT OF AMERICA SO THAT I CAN TALK TO GIRLS AND I AM SMART AND I WILL WIN! YOU’LL SEE TYRESE! I WILL WIN AND YOU CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE GIRLS AWAY FROM ME BECAUSE YOU WILL BE GONE AND I WILL WIN!”
“I am going to work on myself – a little self-care. President Trump says I look ‘rough’ so I am going to have my face totally redone and then probably have lypo and a breast lift. Hopefully the doctors still have something to work with because I don’t want the President to replace me with someone from Fox News. Please don’t replace me Donald! I’ll look better! I promise! Please… please… this is all I have. If I leave this job the shadows will swallow me!”