Elon Musk Gets High, Invents New Sandwich

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LOS ANGELES, CA – Late last week Elon Musk called in to a radio program to announce that he has invented a new sandwich that will “revolutionize sandwich technology for generations.”

“Oh man. I just had, like, the fuckin’ craziest idea man,” said Musk during the broadcast. “Like, what if there was a sandwich that was, like, so big and it was so good. Man, that’d be awesome. So like, I was just sitting there and then I was like, whoa! Man! I can invent shit. So… yeah, I got out some papers… hehe, not those types of papers, shhhhh! I’m on the phone! But I like, got some ideas down on paper and it all just came together, you know? And now there is, a new sandwich. Pow!”

Musk made the announcement on the local Crazy 8s radio show hosted by Spazzy and the Shrimp.

“We were doing our Crazy 8s at 8 o’clock Traffic Monster Madness Report when Musk calls in and how do you not take a call from Elon Musk? Right?” said Freddy “Spazzy” Vermelli. “He just starts talkin’ about sandwiches and I look at Shrimpy and I mouth the words ‘this dud is high as fuck’ but whatever, it made for good radio. And what’s wrong with smokin’ a little gange… ya know? Nothin’. It’s legal so whatever. My wife left me last week.”

While specifics were not discussed, Musk said the sandwich would be over a foot tall and consist of several different layers of various meats, cheeses, and vegetables.

“There is gotta be some meat, man!” said Musk during the broadcast. “Every sandwich has to have meat. Have you ever noticed that meat comes from animals but, like… salad comes from plants? That’s crazy. If we are eating plants like we eat animals shouldn’t it all just be… like… meat? You know? Like… we are eating the flesh of vegetables but we just call it salad. That’s so fuckin’ weird man. I mean, really, we’re eating vegetable meat. Think about that shit.”

During the radio broadcast, Musk admitted that he had smoked several marijuana cigarettes before inventing the sandwich and calling in to the radio show but said the drug had no impact on his invention.

“No man, I totally would have had the idea anyway,” Musk said. “I mean, we all get hungry? I’m hungry now. Now when I’m high, I mean hungry, I want a sandwich. Sandwich? What the fuck, man? I mean there’s no sand in it and that shit wasn’t created by a witch. We should call them all Muskwich. That would be awesome. Someone get on that shit.”

Over the last several days, after Musk’s announcement of the new sandwich, other CEOs have come forward with their own plans for new sandwiches.

“I have a sandwich that I created too, but you don’t see me out there calling into radio shows,” said billionaire, Richard Branson. “My sandwich is white bread, mayo and yellow cheese. I call it a Bransonwich. Get it?”

In addition to the new sandwich invention, Musk said that he may soon retire and “cruise around in a van with some buds to solve mysteries.”


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