PORTLAND, OR – Netflix users suffered a major blackout after a grandmother in Michigan changed her password, locking over 720,000 people out of Netflix.
Norma Christoph, 71, changed her password on the recommendation of a Facebook post about internet security.
“I saw a post on the Facebook by my friend Carol that said she knew someone that heard that hackers are selling passwords on the darkwebs and that if you have a password you should change it and then I just went through the list of password I have written down on the sticky note on my computer and just changed all of them just in case some hackers hacked me and stole all my information,” said Christoph.
Users attempting to access Netflix after Christoph changed her password were greeted with a notice stating that the login and/or password were incorrect.
“I totally freaked out when I couldn’t get in. I was all, like, what are we gonna do?” said Kim Marshall. “I’ve been using that account, I don’t even know whose it is, since, like, 2014. I’ve been asking everyone if they know what’s going on or what the new password is and no one knows. We are all freaking out. What are we supposed to do, watch Hulu? Fuck that. Hulu has commercials. I don’t use someone else’s account to watch commercials. ”
Netflix call centers and online support were immediately flooded with complaints after Christoph changed her password. Netflix employees were unable to assist with the complaints as those that were reporting issues did not have an active account.
“All of a sudden we were just swamped with complaints,” said Netflix Customer Support Representative, Carrie Sharp. “But, we couldn’t help anyone because literally everyone that was submitting tickets or filing complaints didn’t have an account. And to be honest, there are only like 57 total Netflix accounts. The entire world just logs in as one of 57 people. We should probably come up with a plan in case one of those other account holders changes their password.”
Several hundred thousand Netflix users are still locked out of Netflix and experts say it may take up to three months before Christoph’s new password reaches everyone who logs in using her account.
“Hurry up everyone,” said Jacob Whomer. “I need to finish Stranger Things! I didn’t get finished and now I’m one of the only people I know that didn’t watch the whole thing and now I need to get that old lady’s password so I can finish it. If I don’t get it soon I’ll probably just have to kill myself because how can I live being the only person who hasn’t watched all of Stranger Things. And the prequel to the Dark Crystal just came out! And I can’t watch it! FUCK! Do you have the password? Tell me asshole!”
Christoph is unsure how so many people got her username and password but she says she is comfortable with people using her account.
“Geez, I don’t know how so many people got my password. I think I only gave it to my son and his friend Wayne and then I gave it to Jeanie’s daughter’s nephew and there was that guy at my old bank and I think I told the lady that was in front of me at Freddy’s but that’s probably most of the people I told,” said Christoph.
Although Netflix prefers that users don’t share accounts, the company has yet to restrict password sharing.
“We could try to fix the password sharing problem,” said Netflix CEO, Reed Hastings. “Or… we could just wait until Disney buys us, which, by my watch, should be about five months.”