DALLAS, TX – The Stevenson family Christmas photo was ruined by the presence of an ugly baby.
“It’s a shame, really. The photo is such a great picture of most of us – except for the baby,” said the baby’s mother, Cathy Stevenson. “I look amazing. I mean really. My hair is perfect, my tits are on point. My husband looks very handsome. The three-year-old… what’s her name… um… Erica! Erica looks super cute in her little dress. But the baby. That baby completely ruined the photo.”
The baby, Charlotte, is the newest member of the Stevenson family. The family had hoped Charlotte’s unattractiveness would fade in time for the Christmas photo but that has not been the case.
“Obviously we know that baby is bufugly. That’s the first thing anyone notices when they see it. But seeing the thing next to the rest of the family… it just really shows how bufugly that baby is,” said the baby’s father, Jim Stevenson. “I have no idea where that… thing came from. I’m attractive. My wife is amazing with great tits and our other kid, Rebecca? I think? Anyways, she’s pretty cute. But that baby. Holy shit! It’s like a dog ate it’s own shit, and then shit out the shit that it ate. We can’t send the photo out with that ugly baby in it.”
Cathy Stevenson says she is considering altering the photo before she sends the Christmas photo to friends and family.
“We thought about photoshoping a cute baby over (Charlotte) or maybe just placing a sticker of the baby’s face,” said Cathy Stevenson. “You know, so it looks like an accident. Oh! I know! That’s where I’ll put the stamp! Maybe I’ll get some of those Looney Tunes stamps. That way everyone will get a different character.”
Cathy Stevenson’s mother, Barbara Vest, has seen the photo and agrees that the family should not send the photo to anyone else.
“When I saw the photo for the first time I just felt so bad for Jim and Cathy. I don’t know what they did to make god so upset with them that he would have given them such an ugly child,” said Vest. “Jim is really hot! If I was younger I would have him inside of me three ways from Sunday. And Cathy inherited my awesome tits, so, you know, we have no idea where that thing came from. Unless Cathy fucked a troglodyte. That’s the only thing that I can think of.”
Charlotte Stevenson was unavailable for comment at press time.