WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump was seen passing notes stating “will u go 2 war with me?” to other world leaders during a recent global economic summit.
Among the leaders who confirmed receiving the notes were Argentina President Alberto Fernández, Mongolia President Khaltmaagiin Battulga, and Turkmenistan President Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow.
“I can confirm that the big, orange, baby leader from America, the stupid one, did put a message on to my desk and the message asked if I would go to war with him,” said Berdimuhamedow. “I smashed the note in my hand and I threw it on the ground. (Trump) is a dumb and foolish man and Turkmenistan will not get involved with him. Unless he lets us win.”
The note, in addition to the “will u go 2 war with me?” question, included three checkboxes; “yes”, “no”, and “maybe”. Each note was folded into a sort of origami heart.
“I thought the note was a joke but sadly for America it was not a joke,” said Fernández. “I thought about answering ‘maybe,’ just to tease him, but then (Trump) would want to talk to me about it and I do not want to talk to him. None of us want to talk to him. His breath smells like Doritos and… sadness. But I did show the note to the other leaders at my table. We all laughed at it and at him very hard. We laughed for a long time. Poor America. Such a dumb leader they have.”
Witnesses say Trump tried to pass the notes to other world leaders without drawing attention to himself. At one point Trump shouted “is that Jimmy Hoffa over there” pointed towards a crowd in the distance, and when some of those gathered in Trump’s proximity looked where Trump was pointing, Trump passed a note to Estonia President Kersti Kaljulaid.
“I do not know what to say, other than (Trump) is a… how do you say, imbecile,” said Kaljulaid. “That is not how these things are done, but (Trump) thinks like he is a child with brain problems. Do you know what I mean? One time, when I was 10 years of age Sonjia Hardenjuid pass me a note like this asking if I liked her dress. I did not like that note, I do not like (Trump’s) note. Is sickening to think that this ‘man’ has control over an entire country and military.”
None of the recipients of Trump’s notes responded. During a break in the summit, several world leaders were seen standing next to lockers in the hallway mocking Trump openly as he walked by.
“It was very funny, (Fernandez) started making kissing noises as (Trump) walked by,” said Berdimuhamedow. “(Trump) is a big, dumb orangutan. No, that’s not right. That’s not very nice. Orangutans are very intelligent and loving. No, (Trump) is a big, stupid pile of human feces. Is that how you say it? What I mean is he is shit. He should be thrown away.”
According to White House staffers Trump is trying desperately to find another country to go to war with in the hopes that a war will distract the country from the very large number of legal troubles.
“Because Trump is such a dumb, dumb person he has gotten himself in to a number of… questionable situations,” said White House staffer, Jacob Nelson. “So he’s got to do something to keep people’s attention diverted to something else. War will obviously work. Worked for Bush Jr. and for J.F.K.”