Trump Wears Mask after Staff Insist It’s Made from Porn Star’s Used Underwear

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Trump has started wearing masks that his staff told him are made from porn star’s used underwear.
Trump has started wearing masks that his staff told him are made from porn star’s used underwear.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In order to persuade President Trump to wear a mask, White House officials told the president his masks are made from used underwear previously worn by porn stars.

“It’s gross. I know it’s gross, you know it’s gross, we all know it’s gross but (Trump is) a gross man and we had to do something,” said White House Physician, Jermain Steindrich. “We sat around trying to come up with ways to encourage Trump to wear a mask and this seemed like the best solution. And it worked. In fact, he wears the masks all time now. Even when one isn’t required, which is causing other issues but… baby steps.”

Trump has been proudly showing off the masks and will offer details about his interaction with each of the porn stars listed on the label of the mask.

“This mask that I’m wearing now is made from… let me read the label. It’s made from Baa… Ba… Ba… Baaaaaareeeee. It doesn’t matter what it says but I recognize this scent. I don’t want to say that I slept with her because we didn’t sleep. Do you get it? I’m very good at not sleeping. Some say that I am the best they’ve ever seen at… mask. Mmmmmm. You don’t see (Dr. Anthony) Fauci wearing a mask,” said Trump. “Masks are great. Especially when they are made from lady’s underwear. I took a test, and it said that wearing a mask makes me look the coolest. No one wears a mask like me. Not Sleepy Joe. He probably can’t even spell mask. I can, because I’m a genius. Watch. Mask. E. M. A. S.C. Mask. We’re pushing back the elections!”

Despite what Trump has been told, officials confirmed there is almost no difference between the masks Trump wears and the masks worn by all other members of the White House staff.

“The only difference is that we’ve sewn a little bit of lace on the inside and put just a drop of tuna fish oil on the inside,” said Steindrich. “Look, I know it sounds disgusting, but you have to remember, always remember that Trump is a gross, dumb, dumb, gross, disgusting, stupid, dumb person. But we have to do what we can and this is what we can do. But let me be 100% clear, none of these masks are made from porn star underwear, unless the president asks. If he does, tell him that his mask is made from porn star underwear. Understood? If he finds out otherwise he will freak the F out and probably invade France.”

The idea to tell Trump the masks were made from used underwear came from White House staffer, Jared Grodden, after remembering a trip he and his friends took to Japan early last year.

“Japan is fuckin’ crazy bro! Did you know you can buy used underwear in a vending machine? It’s fuckin’ real, bro!” said Grodden. “My frat bud Toots bought 10 of ‘em. They smelled weird but it was totally worth it. But that’s what gave me the idea ‘cus my other bud Double D walked around Tokyo with the panties around his face. All of ‘em. It was a riot. We are totally cool. Everyone loved us in Japan.”

Democrats and health officials both have declined to comment on the story stating simply “what ever it takes to get him to wear a mask.”

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