WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Joe Biden stunned the nation during last month’s inauguration ceremony by removing a mask revealing that Hillary Clinton had been disguised as Biden during the election.
“Gotcha bitches!” shouted the newly revealed Clinton from the podium after being confirmed as the 46th President of the United States. “I just pulled some Scooby Doo shit on all ya’ll and you fell for it! But now it’s official and you cant stop me! I’m president bitches just like I should have been last time! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Clinton, who lost the Presidential election to former President Donald Trump despite winning the popular vote, said she had been disguised as Biden since just before Biden declared the intention to run for President in 2019.
“I’ve been (Biden) this whole time and none of you dumb assholes figured it out. I win, you lose,” said Clinton. “Joe Biden is at home and has been for years and I’ve been wearing this mask for years. And all you idiots voted for me, I mean ‘Biden’, because you thought he was a man and not a woman but all you dumbshits got catfished! Haha!”
After being sworn in as President Clinton danced on the stage for 30 minutes, flipping off both the crowd and the other government attendees.
“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, eat shit, fuck you, actually you are cool Warren, fuck you and most of all fuck you!” sang Clinton as she danced around the inauguration stage. “You all thought Trump was bad? You ain’t seen shit yet. Revenge is a dish best served by me after I tricked all of you! Had you assholes elected me last time, I would have been the greatest President this country has ever seen. But no, you had to vote in the twat with the merkin for a hairpiece. See this? This is all your fault!”
Congressional Republicans have already filed motions to invalidate Clinton as President and Constitutional lawyers are split as to whether Biden/Clinton’s presidential win will stand.
“This is totally some Republican type bullshit and that just can’t happen,” said Congressman, Mark Bellab, (R-OH). “Sure, we were actually thinking about doing this with next election with Trump, but (Clinton) beat us to it. So yeah, we can’t let this stand – until we try it.”
Since the inauguration, Clinton has signed a number of controversial executive orders including declaring that women should receive equal pay for equal work, feminine hygiene products should be free, strengthening penalties for domestic abuse, legalizing abortion, and replacing all former Presidents on US currency with Harriet Tubman.
“We cannot have a woman as President doing all these… woman things! America isn’t a woman!” said Senator, Mike Crapo (R-ID). “This is America, not Americawoman. We’re seriously going to take care of this. If I wanted my mistress to get an abortion, I would send her to Mexico like a normal person in the Senate of Congress.”