LOS ANGELES, CA – In an effort to “update their image,” several well known religious figures made surprise guest appearances last week on the Jenny Jones Show for a segment entitled “Righteous Makeovers.” During the show, Jesus Christ, Buddha, Vishnu and Mohammed each took turns with hair stylists and fashion consultants, each hoping the new looks will help them come across to a new generation of worshipers that are more in tune with the world of high fashion.
The producers of the Jenny Jones Show felt that it was high time that today’s religious leaders stepped into the 20th Century.
“Seriously, Jesus still wears sandals, and they’re not even Birkenstocks for Christ’s sake. I mean, I know he’s like, really old, but that really isn’t an excuse. At least he’s not wearing socks with his sandals anymore,” said Lori Weedman, Executive Producer. “These religious folk have had the same look for I don’t even know how many years. Jesus has his sandals and white robe, Buddha’s got his diaper, these things have no style to them at all.”
All the participants were excited about the opportunity and jumped at the chance for a new look.
“I’m actually really happy with the way this all turned out,” Christ said. “I mean look at me for crying out loud. I look like that dude from that one movie. Damn, what was the name of it? The one with that hot British guy who plays an American and then he kills a bunch of people and hookers… American Psycho! That’s it. I totally look like that guy now. I tell you what, I don’t know if this look will go over as much with men by there’s sure to be an increase in woman Christians, that’s for damn sure. Every Sunday will be like Lady’s night… and I’ll save them all. If you know what I mean.”
After the makeovers were complete, each participant came out to show the live studio audience the new looks and field questions. According to Jones, the crowd responded well and seemed to like all the makeovers, with the exception of Vishnu.
“I don’t know why but (the studio audience) really seemed to be hung up on the extra arms thing,” Jones said. “I know he, or is it a she? Eh, who cares. All I know is that it had the arms before the make over and still had them afterwards. I would have thought the stylist would have nixed them, but they’re still there. I think the crowd just thought the arms were a little overkill.”
Vishnu was noticeably upset by the crowd’s reaction especially one comment made by audience member Janice Stevenson.
“Yeah, honestly I was bothered by the whole thing but you know, I get stuff like that all the time,” Vishnu said. “It wasn’t until that one lady (Stevenson) stood up and said, and I’m just paraphrasing here, ‘I don’t know who you be thinkin’ you is and all but if you came ‘roun ma house lookin’ all crazy an’ shit wit them extra arms tryin’ to tell me bout so fucked up after world I’d have ma boys stand up and knock your mutant ass inta nex’ week.’ That really made me feel bad. But hey, what can I do? Its not like these arms are just for aesthetic purposes. They are part of me. I just can’t take them off because some lady in Chicago is going to have her sons kick my ass for being a freak.”
If the show proves to be a hit when it airs later this month, Jones’ producers are lining up similar themed shows.
“Well, like we said, if the viewers turn in and the show does well we’ve scheduled a Summer show called ‘Political Makeovers’ with Castro, Khadafi and Putin already on board. After that we are tossing around ideas for a ‘Country Make Over’ where we actually send in decorators as well as our fashion and hair consultants, into a country and make over the entire place. There are some really sad looking countries out there that I’m sure would like the chance to get up out of the gutter,” Weedman said.