PORTLAND, OR – Local man, Scott Hackerst, is pretty sure he can sell a bowling shirt he found at his uncle’s house for $80.
“I found this cool, kinda old-school bowling shirt at my uncle’s house and… yeah, I think I could probably sell this to one of those antique stores for 80 bucks,” said Hackerst. “Just check it out. It’s pretty cool. I’d totally pay 80 for this if it was something that I was in to. This is definitely a shirt that someone could feel comfortable doing cocaine in. And I mean a lot of cocaine. Like Scarface amounts.”
According to Hackerst, the bowling shirt is in good condition and is “very fashionable.”
“This shirt is brightly colored and no holes. Clean lines. A nice flow to the material. And nothing that would prevent someone from doing cocaine in it,” said Hackerst. “Check out the sweet logo on the back! If I were a chick and I saw a dude wearing this shirt, I would totally go up to him and ask if he had some cocaine and then I would blow him while doing blow.”
Hackerst found the shirt while helping his uncle at a garage sale.
“My uncle had some really cool stuff but most of it wasn’t really worth much,” said Hackerst. “He had some old comic books and baseball cards but those aren’t worth anything. In fact, at the garage sale some guy came and bought all the comics for $5. But this shirt… this one we could definitely get money for it because bowling is still really popular. And if you were in to cocaine, you could definitely wear this shirt while you were doing cocaine. It’s even got a little pocket here on the front that you could put your cocaine in.”
Hackerst’s uncle, Tony Nueir, isn’t sure where he got the bowling shirt but thinks it was probably about 20 years ago.
“Do you remember back in the early 2000s there were those hip-hop style stores in the mall that had all the cool baggy clothing?” said Nueir. “I shopped there a lot and for a little while there they had some cool bowling shirt style shirts so maybe that’s where I got it? Or maybe it was just from Wal-Mart. Either way I wore it a couple times but then I just stopped wearing it. I suppose I could have donated it somewhere but I didn’t.”
Hackerst plans to contact local antique stores to sell the bowling shirt.
“I’m gonna make some calls and I should be able to move this shirt in a couple days,” said Hackerst. “I’ll probably have to send them some pictures so I will take those tonight after I buy some cocaine. But the cocaine isn’t for me. It’s just to stage the picture so the antique people know that the shirt can be used for bowling and doing cocaine. But then, you know, since I’ll be wearing the shirt and all, I’ll probably do the cocaine. Yup, this shirt is super cool.”