Ecuador Announces Plans to Boycott 2006 Olympics

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SALT LAKE CITY, UT – The Winter Olympics took another hit Thursday as Ecuadorian officials announced they will be boycotting the 2006 games unless sweeping changes are made to the organization and structure of the Olympics.

Ecuadorian complaints stem from the lack of South American sports in the Winter Olympics. Other complaints include the emphasis on snow and ice sports (neither of which are present in Ecuador) and biased judging structures.

“We simply cannot compete in these games if they keep forcing the contestants to play on ice and snow. It’s not fair to the entire world and that’s what the Olympics should be about – the World uniting in athletic competition, not the World uniting in athletic competition on ice,” Ecuador President Phillip Contastane said. “How are we supposed to win medals when our countrymen fall to ground screaming about angry gods whenever it starts to snow? How are we supposed to win medals when our countrymen succumb to frostbite because their loin cloth doesn’t do a good job protecting them from the subzero weather? Answer us that!”

While the Olympic governing board, the International Olympic Committee, has yet to make a decision, the IOC has responded calling Ecuador’s claims both ignorant and unsubstantiated.

In a press release issued by IOC spokesman Jane Weldin, the IOC said “What Ecuador wants and demands is ridiculous. The Winter Olympics are for Winter sports. Hence the name ‘Winter Olympics.’ We have the Summer Olympics for Summer sports, that’s how it works. We believe that the Ecuadorian’s are whiney little children. In fact, we at the IOC had to double check to make sure Ecuador was even a country. Much to our surprise, it was. But until they have enough money to influence our votes, we won’t listen to them.”

“Everybody thinks that Ecuador is just a tropical paradise where alcohol flows like water and our women’s bountiful breasts are perfectly tanned from being exposed to the constant sunshine, but we as a country are more than that. We are a country that has four distinct seasons, even if the distinction is only a difference of 4 degrees. We are simple people that cherish our winter sports, much like America cherishes Curling. When the IOC includes Metered Rat Tossing and Glomerolerballsticky, only then will we consider becoming a part of the Winter Olympics,” Contastane said.

The 2002 Winter Olympics were held last month in Salt Lake City, Utah. The games themselves were marked by controversy and accusations of preferential treatment.

“We saw how the Russians were treated in Utah. I don’t know if the Mormons started getting to everyone or what but if that’s how it’s going to be than no thank you,” said Ecuadorian figure skater Enrique Gomez. “I mean seriously, how am I supposed to even compete when the U.S. or Canada are automatically going to get the gold medal?”

Although Gomez tried out for the 2002 Olympics he was unable to compete due to the requirement that Ice Skates must be worn and the performance must be on ice.

The 2006 Winter Olympics will be held in Turin, Italy.

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