SAN DIEGO, CA – In an effort to increase profits, officials at the San Diego Zoo have announced a new plan to create the worlds most loveable, cute animal. The animal, if successful, will be the result of breeding a koala bear, a panda bear and a polar bear.
“They’re all bears, right? So there should be no problem breeding them,” said Zoo director Martin Henderson. “The only trick is going to be getting them to have sex and not eat each other. I mean the panda and the polar bear can probably hold their own against each other, but those koalas are kinda small. But who knows, small might be really sexy to the other bears.”
The initial plan to breed the bears involves artificial insemination, but if the plan fails more drastic measures will need to be taken.
“The first thing we’re going to try is go in, jack a bunch of the bears off and use a turkey baster to get it all up in there,” Henderson said. “If we don’t get the results that we want, I think we’ll try some time of glory hole configuration. I mean, a hole’s a hole, and if the male can’t see what that hole is connected to, they’ll be more apt to put their penis in it. It’s just like humans when you think about it.”