NORTH POLE – For the 60th year in a row, Osama bin Ladin will receive a chunk of coal in his stocking. Santa Claus announced the decision during a C-SPAN interview last week.
“The old saying still holds true. I know who has been good and I know who has been naughty. And let me tell you, it’s been a long time since I have seen someone this naughty. If I could get away with spanking him I would… but I can’t now because of that whole Bobby Wilson incident in 1973. Parents get so uptight about some things,” said Claus. “But yeah, this Osama guy is definitely getting some coal.”
Since the announcement, security around the North Pole home of Claus and his wife has been increased with air patrols from both the United States Air Force and the Canadian Air Force.
“If he wants to do me harm then let it come, but he still won’t stop me from doing my job come Christmas eve,” said Santa. “You know I’d like to see him try to come up here. My elves will tear the guy a new one. They might be small but boy can they do some damage below the equator, if you know what I mean.”
Osama bin Laden was unavailable at press time.