BLOOMINGTON, IN – A city sanitation employee is refusing to perform all assigned tasks based on is stated religious beliefs. Theo Ventrest says he is a nihilist and that performing any of his assigned job functions violates his religion.
“I don’t believe in anything. This who existence is a lie and total bullshit,” said Ventrest. “So why should I pick up any trash or recycling? It’s all a bullshit, useless waste of time. So says my religion – nihilism. The only thing I believe in is sitting here not doing a god damned thing.”
The city’s mayor, while disagreeing with Ventrest’s statements, said there is nothing he can do since Ventrest is “expressing his first amendment rights… right?”
“If I understand the constitution like I think I might understand the constitution… I um, can’t make (Ventrest) do anything,” said Bloomington Mayor, Mark Kruzan. “I just wish he were a Christian. I had to make the same concessions last week for the Christian lady that didn’t want to serve gay people in the cafeteria so now… shit, I don’t want to get sued. So (Ventrest) will be able to sit there and be a nihilist while on the job. Shit”