Companies Offering New Incentives to Lure Employees Back to The Office
Published May 2022SAN FRANCISCO, CA – To incentivize reluctant employees to return to the office, companies are offering new in-office only perks like on-site clowns, monthly balloon parties, new glory holes, and free shrimp cocktail.
Group Shocked to Learn MTV Still on The Air
Published June 2022NEW YORK, NY – A mixed group of Millennials and Gen-Xers were shocked this week to learn that MTV is still on the air and broadcasting new content.
FDA Adds New “Fewd” Category for Taco Bell Menu Items
Published April 2022WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Food and Drug Administration announced this week that it has created a new product category, “fewd,” to describe items found on Taco Bell’s menu.
New Swiffer Lets People Clean Using Their Pets
Published February 2022CINCINNATI, OH – Procter & Gamble has released a new version of the Swiffer Sweeper that attaches to small animals and will allow customers to use their pets to clean floors.
Brooks Brothers Releases New Work From Home Line
Published February 2022NEW YORK, NY – Brooks Brothers has unveiled a new line of clothes designed for men who work from home but still want to present themselves as professional on video conference calls.
Local Man Confident He Can Sell Bowling Shirt for $80
Published January 2022PORTLAND, OR – Local man, Scott Hackerst, is pretty sure he can sell a bowling shirt he found at his uncle’s house for $80.
Country Singer Considering Using N-word to Boost Album Sales
Published January 2022NASHVILLE, TN – Country singer Glenn Coventry is considering posting a video of himself using the N-word to boost record sales for his new album.
Adult Stores Struggle with Inventories as Social Distancing Eases
Published May 2021SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Adult stores across the country are dealing with inventory issues as Americans become vaccinated against COVID-19 and the need for social distancing is rapidly decreasing.
Tesla Owner Successfully Mentions He Owns a Tesla in Every Conversation
Published April 2021SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Local Tesla owner, Jacob Gregory, has successfully worked the fact that he owns a Tesla into every conversation he’s had since purchasing the vehicle in late 2020.
Social Media Companies to Allow Users to Opt-Out of Becoming Racist
Published May 2021SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After months of social and political pressure, social media companies will soon begin offering an option that will allow users to decline becoming racist.