Trump Announces New Flag Design; One Red, One White, One Blue Stripe

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has proposed simplifying the United States of America flag to one red, one blue and one red stripe.

“Our flag, I love it, I really do, but it could use a makeover,” said Trump. “I don’t like things that are more than 18-years-old and the flag, it’s up there.”


Unaware Petrol is Gasoline Trump Plans to Export Gas to England

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Fresh from a visit to London, President Donald Trump made the surprise announcement that the United States will export gasoline to England as he was made aware England uses petrol rather than gasoline.


God Admits Nation-wide Snow Storm a Result of Not Listening to Prayer Details

DENVER, CO – After recent snowstorms wreaked havoc in cities across the country, God has apologized saying he made the decision to create the winter storms after “half listening to some eight-year-old’s prayer.”


Trump Responds to Hourly Chimes with "Who's There?" Forcing Removal of Clocks

WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to reports, White House staff has removed all clocks that mark the turn of the hour with a sound from White House grounds because President Donald Trump gets confused by the sound, asks “who’s there?”, and remains motionless until someone responds.


White House Staff Reveal New Year's Resolutions

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Like many other Americans, President Trump and his staff have made New Year’s resolutions.


Local Barista has Finished His Film Script

KIRKLAND, WA – A local barista informed customers and coworkers that he has almost completed his film script.


Tinsel Pulled from White House after Trump Caught Eating It

WASHINGTON, DC – White House staff has removed all tinsel from White House Christmas decorations after President Donald Trump was seen pulling Tinsel off a Christmas tree and eating it.


Trump to Write, Release His Own Tell-All Book

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In response to a number of negative books about him and his time as President, Donald Trump will publish his own book that he says he has written himself “on the very best paper and using the best coloring stick pencil things.”


Trump Spent Months Planning Tick-or-Treat Route

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump has spent the last several weeks planning a trick-or-treat route to ensure he gets “only the best” candy on Halloween.

“Trump has made it clear that his number one priority right now is putting together a trick-or-treat route that will ensure he gets good candy, like full candy bars or really expensive candy,” said White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders.


Woman Colludes with Russians to Ruin Ex-Boyfriends Birthday

CONWAY, AR – A local woman has been arrested for allegedly conspiring with Russian agents to ruin her ex-boyfriend’s birthday.


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